The best part about this chill in the air…IT’S CUDDLE TIME.
I don’t think it’s a surprise to anyone that the weather dictates your mood and cold weather tends to make us desire a warm body constantly around us. It’s not just about warmth but cuddling is a great way to show affection. Turn down the heater and turn up the skin-to-skin contact. Any person you want to share your space with says a lot.
One of my favorite things to do while cuddling is listening to a man’s heartbeat. It’s so alive…so intricate. The simple beating of a heart can put life in a precious perspective. Try cuddling in silence and really get in tune with one another. The cold weather is just a great excuse to make that happen. The summer is about freedom and the winter is about seclusion. There is nothing more people want to do than snuggle up with their boo during those cold nights because as soon as summer comes it’s time to be out and to be seen.
It dawned on me recently that every break up I’ve had has been in April. Soon as a hint of warmth catches me…I’m gone! It’s something about the seasons that seem to dictate my “relationship mood”…it’s a natural unexplained phenomenon. Spring is about change and rebirth and the sun provides the source of energy to make that happen. Now that it’s fall and getting cold outside, use this time to retreat and snuggle up with that special someone. It’s the little things that make a person know they are loved and appreciated. Holding a person close to you for an extended period of time is a good way to get back to the basics and cuddling is a basic necessity that should not be overlooked. It is a subtle, silent – yet intense connection that your soul will appreciate once your bodies gently collide.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
THE RELATIONSHIP FOUNDATION
You build your relationship from the ground up and outside-in, not top to bottom and inside-out. The foundation will determine it's level of stability through any kind of weather. The key components to a lasting relationship are LOVE, RESPECT, HONESTY, TRUST, DISCIPLINE. If any of these are out of whack then your foundation may be off balance but can be repaired with attention and care.
LOVE is an eternal flame that we are born to emit til the day we transition from this Earth (an beyond). When you find someone who resonates on the same love frequency - then that is special and can NEVER be reversed. I believe we are born in the image of God...as LOVE. So the first part of the foundation is LOVE, which may be the easiest of the 5 foundation components because instinct is its guide. I LOVE YOU BECAUSE...I JUST DO.
Something that may not come as easily as RESPECT. I see people all the time disrespecting the one they love by calling them out of their name or justifying extra marital affairs. RESPECT is about honoring the one you love. It is an honor and a blessing to be in the presence of your equal. Your goal should be to never disrespect your mate...never. I find it funny when men tell me they cheat on their wives and tell me they love her in the same conversation. The thin line between love and hate occurs when your mate feels utterly disrespected. That is the turning point.
Another key component is HONESTY. This one I still have a hard time with because it's complex to determine what needs to be revealed. My advice is to confide in your mate freely. After all, the screws holding the foundation together are based on your friendship. Also, it will be better coming from you, rather than someone else. I equate honesty with liberation. Such a load can be removed from the pit of your gut by sharing some of the skeletons in your closet. This is who I was - and this is who I am today. You should not be castrated for showing growth.
TRUST may be a challenge if you grew up not trusting people. My advice is to first TRUST yourself to choose a mate who's TRUSTWORTHY. I think a lot of times we take for granted that our mates are a reflection of us. We don't trust ourselves and our decisions but we want someone to trust us. It just doesn't make any sense. TRUST and believe in your mate as you do yourself to build a strong foundation.
The last foundation component is DISCIPLINE. It'S easy to go putting your screws in someone else's tool box. Let's face it, we are ANIMALS! Some of you have K-9 teeth to prove it. We have to discipline ourselves to stay with one person. I think that's why I always here, "marriage is hard work," because it must be nurtured on a constant basis.
Maintain a balance of each of these relationship components to increase the happiness in your relationship because without a solid foundation - the relationship will crumble.
LOVE is an eternal flame that we are born to emit til the day we transition from this Earth (an beyond). When you find someone who resonates on the same love frequency - then that is special and can NEVER be reversed. I believe we are born in the image of God...as LOVE. So the first part of the foundation is LOVE, which may be the easiest of the 5 foundation components because instinct is its guide. I LOVE YOU BECAUSE...I JUST DO.
Something that may not come as easily as RESPECT. I see people all the time disrespecting the one they love by calling them out of their name or justifying extra marital affairs. RESPECT is about honoring the one you love. It is an honor and a blessing to be in the presence of your equal. Your goal should be to never disrespect your mate...never. I find it funny when men tell me they cheat on their wives and tell me they love her in the same conversation. The thin line between love and hate occurs when your mate feels utterly disrespected. That is the turning point.
Another key component is HONESTY. This one I still have a hard time with because it's complex to determine what needs to be revealed. My advice is to confide in your mate freely. After all, the screws holding the foundation together are based on your friendship. Also, it will be better coming from you, rather than someone else. I equate honesty with liberation. Such a load can be removed from the pit of your gut by sharing some of the skeletons in your closet. This is who I was - and this is who I am today. You should not be castrated for showing growth.
TRUST may be a challenge if you grew up not trusting people. My advice is to first TRUST yourself to choose a mate who's TRUSTWORTHY. I think a lot of times we take for granted that our mates are a reflection of us. We don't trust ourselves and our decisions but we want someone to trust us. It just doesn't make any sense. TRUST and believe in your mate as you do yourself to build a strong foundation.
The last foundation component is DISCIPLINE. It'S easy to go putting your screws in someone else's tool box. Let's face it, we are ANIMALS! Some of you have K-9 teeth to prove it. We have to discipline ourselves to stay with one person. I think that's why I always here, "marriage is hard work," because it must be nurtured on a constant basis.
Maintain a balance of each of these relationship components to increase the happiness in your relationship because without a solid foundation - the relationship will crumble.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
LOVE IS A DECISION
I had the pleasure of being a bride’s maid over the weekend for my dear friend Marisa. Congratulations to her and her new hubby!
The minister performing the ceremony said something that really hit a nerve. To paraphrase he said, love is more than a feeling, love is a decision. You have to decide to love someone; you have to decide to make it work; you have to decide to get through the hard times…together. The feeling will get you nowhere without the mutual understanding and decision to make it work. Often we forget to nurture the decisions we’ve made – and in doing so we relinquish control over the things we truly desire. I believe love is a birth right – we are all love beings, but only we can decide to reach the depths of loves treasures. So yes, love is a decision and a discipline we should honor and cherish every moment.
The minister performing the ceremony said something that really hit a nerve. To paraphrase he said, love is more than a feeling, love is a decision. You have to decide to love someone; you have to decide to make it work; you have to decide to get through the hard times…together. The feeling will get you nowhere without the mutual understanding and decision to make it work. Often we forget to nurture the decisions we’ve made – and in doing so we relinquish control over the things we truly desire. I believe love is a birth right – we are all love beings, but only we can decide to reach the depths of loves treasures. So yes, love is a decision and a discipline we should honor and cherish every moment.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
SELF PLEASURE
This week on 'Straight Talk with Ella Bleu,' we got down to the nitty-gritty on self pleasure.
Most people sneak up on self pleasure at an early age when they are discovering their bodies. Prior to that the body just appeared to be this intricate piece of art that we didn't understand; like we know a car needs gas but have no idea how to build an engine. So the question is: how did self pleasure become so taboo?
If you grew up in a religious home you know that lustful thoughts were shunned upon. Self pleasure was attached to feelings of guilt and remorse (it's amazing to me how religion has the ability to stifle your growth by instilling fear but I'm not going there today). So what we discovered is that the people who masturbate tend to know their bodies and enjoy sex more because they already know the way to their erogenous zones. If you get nothing more from this, please do not rely on your partner to teach you about your own body. I learned my body so know EVERYTHING. Even if I have a headache I can feel the knot in my neck or shoulders and kneed it out. Our bodies are always talking to us.
Your body is a sacred place where spirit resides. Imagine how great your sexual experience would be if you both knew your own bodies. Hopefully some of you can already giving a convincing amen to that! I'm not saying go home and ritualistically please yourself everyday but it should be a periodic exercise to explore the inner & outter workings of your body...a work of art.
To listen to a podcast of "The Masturbation, Fascination," go http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ellableu/2009/07/08/Straight-Talk-with-Ella-Bleu
Most people sneak up on self pleasure at an early age when they are discovering their bodies. Prior to that the body just appeared to be this intricate piece of art that we didn't understand; like we know a car needs gas but have no idea how to build an engine. So the question is: how did self pleasure become so taboo?
If you grew up in a religious home you know that lustful thoughts were shunned upon. Self pleasure was attached to feelings of guilt and remorse (it's amazing to me how religion has the ability to stifle your growth by instilling fear but I'm not going there today). So what we discovered is that the people who masturbate tend to know their bodies and enjoy sex more because they already know the way to their erogenous zones. If you get nothing more from this, please do not rely on your partner to teach you about your own body. I learned my body so know EVERYTHING. Even if I have a headache I can feel the knot in my neck or shoulders and kneed it out. Our bodies are always talking to us.
Your body is a sacred place where spirit resides. Imagine how great your sexual experience would be if you both knew your own bodies. Hopefully some of you can already giving a convincing amen to that! I'm not saying go home and ritualistically please yourself everyday but it should be a periodic exercise to explore the inner & outter workings of your body...a work of art.
To listen to a podcast of "The Masturbation, Fascination," go http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ellableu/2009/07/08/Straight-Talk-with-Ella-Bleu
Thursday, June 18, 2009
The Ex Factor!
First of all, let me say your ex’s are in the past for a reason and it’s probably best they stay there. I think we should always be moving onward and forward and the goal is to have received a life lesson from your relationship so you don’t feel the need to go back. To go back is like saying, “God, I missed what you were trying to tell me, please show me again”. If you choose to go back, be a conscious observer the next time around.
Our topic Tuesday on “Straight Talk with Ella Bleu,” was about being friends with your ex’s. It seems that even if people aren’t romantically involved, they are still maintaining some type of contact. Generally speaking, people still care about the well being of their ex’s and to some degree find it comforting to associate with the familiar; someone who knows and accepts you for who they are even if they can’t stand the thought of living with your ass! The biggest highlight is now you can take that person in doses and not on a regular basis.
What surprised me the most is that some of these ex’s are SECRETS from your current mates. I keep hearing the hook from an old Xscape song when they said, “You’re my little secret and that’s how we should keep it…” Apparently some things are better off left unsaid but is that silence a form of deception?
My advice is to let the cat out of the bag early on in the relationship because at that point you have nothing to lose. Be open about your ex’s during the “getting to know you stage”. You will gain that person’s respect and you will also show that you have no regrets about your past because after all, your past is what made you the person you are today.
The ex is only a factor if you let it be.
Our topic Tuesday on “Straight Talk with Ella Bleu,” was about being friends with your ex’s. It seems that even if people aren’t romantically involved, they are still maintaining some type of contact. Generally speaking, people still care about the well being of their ex’s and to some degree find it comforting to associate with the familiar; someone who knows and accepts you for who they are even if they can’t stand the thought of living with your ass! The biggest highlight is now you can take that person in doses and not on a regular basis.
What surprised me the most is that some of these ex’s are SECRETS from your current mates. I keep hearing the hook from an old Xscape song when they said, “You’re my little secret and that’s how we should keep it…” Apparently some things are better off left unsaid but is that silence a form of deception?
My advice is to let the cat out of the bag early on in the relationship because at that point you have nothing to lose. Be open about your ex’s during the “getting to know you stage”. You will gain that person’s respect and you will also show that you have no regrets about your past because after all, your past is what made you the person you are today.
The ex is only a factor if you let it be.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
SEX IS A SPIRITUAL EXCURSION
All of our true desires are spiritual and our bodies are just vehicles to accomplish them, therefore even sex is a spiritual excursion. Trust me, your spirit is not looking for sex but rather a connection so deep, so intense, that you and your mate can move a mountain when your energies collide.
Last night on our radio show, “Straight Talk with Ella Bleu,” our guest Erik Gordon said dating is all about SEX and that basically relationships begin and end with the mighty power of sex.
I think he’s partially right but sex for the sake of penetration is a means to cover-up some deep seeded issues. Sex becomes a distraction so you don’t have to deal with what you really want…which is ever lasting love. I think the problem is a lot of us don’t even feel true love exists and have just given up somewhere along the say. Men have it the worst because they are taught the abuse of sex is a macho birthright but our gift from God is LOVE – not sex. You’re spirit didn’t travel light years to be right here, right now just to bust a… well you know what I’m getting at.
Hey, have sex like jackrabbits all you want – I’m not judging but instead I’m saying be mindful of your distractions vs. your spiritual desires but keep in mind awareness means you have greater responsibility. I’ve been there, done that, I’m definitely not a saint but the key is being aware of where you’re at in your life and setting your sights on higher plateau’s for the future.
So tell me, what are your spiritual desires? AND if sex is a spiritual excursion...how are you going to get there?
Check out our show from last night. Here's the link for the podcast: http://tobtr.com/s/554652
Last night on our radio show, “Straight Talk with Ella Bleu,” our guest Erik Gordon said dating is all about SEX and that basically relationships begin and end with the mighty power of sex.
I think he’s partially right but sex for the sake of penetration is a means to cover-up some deep seeded issues. Sex becomes a distraction so you don’t have to deal with what you really want…which is ever lasting love. I think the problem is a lot of us don’t even feel true love exists and have just given up somewhere along the say. Men have it the worst because they are taught the abuse of sex is a macho birthright but our gift from God is LOVE – not sex. You’re spirit didn’t travel light years to be right here, right now just to bust a… well you know what I’m getting at.
Hey, have sex like jackrabbits all you want – I’m not judging but instead I’m saying be mindful of your distractions vs. your spiritual desires but keep in mind awareness means you have greater responsibility. I’ve been there, done that, I’m definitely not a saint but the key is being aware of where you’re at in your life and setting your sights on higher plateau’s for the future.
So tell me, what are your spiritual desires? AND if sex is a spiritual excursion...how are you going to get there?
Check out our show from last night. Here's the link for the podcast: http://tobtr.com/s/554652
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
APHRODISIAC SCENTS
One of the strongest of the 5 senses is the sense of smell. Our nose has the exotic ability to pick up a scent and tap into our memory and our strongest desires. My favorite scent is of a man, of course, but an untapped man; no perfumes to cover up his pheromones. Pheromones are chemicals released by living organisms to send messages to beings of the same species. Have you ever noticed someone's natural scents just seemed uncannily familiar and safe to you?
In an article on suite101.com called, “Love, Sex and the Sense of Smell,” it says studies on the role of aromas in attractiveness and romance have found that:
· women prefer the smell of men whose genetics are similar but not too similar to their own
· men prefer women's body odor during the time of the month when they are fertile
I find it very intriguing that we pick up scents on a genetic level. It means we have the ability to detect someone’s energy just from their natural fragrance. That natural scent is an aphrodisiac, exciting you on such a subtle level that you may never even recognize what turned you on.
A lot of people have the misconception that they need to go out and buy expensive perfumes or colognes but if a person picks up your scent it will be from your natural odor. Have you ever tried on the same perfume as someone but it didn't smell the same on you as it did them? That's because your body chemistry is unique and distinct...waiting for the right person to catch a whiff.
Tip:
Try putting on scents that enhance your natural pheromones and don’t over power them. Some aphrodisiac educing oils are jasmine, neroli, sandalwood, ylang ylang and my favorite…lavender. Try a dab of one of these oils in just the right places and you’ll be sure to get a rise from your mate.
"Love, Sex and the Sense of Smell: Essential Oil Aphrodisiacs: Valentine's Day Romance is in the Air Suite101.com" - http://naturalmedicine.suite101.com/article.cfm/love_sex_and_the_sense_of_smell#ixzz0HHRNs5T0&A
In an article on suite101.com called, “Love, Sex and the Sense of Smell,” it says studies on the role of aromas in attractiveness and romance have found that:
· women prefer the smell of men whose genetics are similar but not too similar to their own
· men prefer women's body odor during the time of the month when they are fertile
I find it very intriguing that we pick up scents on a genetic level. It means we have the ability to detect someone’s energy just from their natural fragrance. That natural scent is an aphrodisiac, exciting you on such a subtle level that you may never even recognize what turned you on.
A lot of people have the misconception that they need to go out and buy expensive perfumes or colognes but if a person picks up your scent it will be from your natural odor. Have you ever tried on the same perfume as someone but it didn't smell the same on you as it did them? That's because your body chemistry is unique and distinct...waiting for the right person to catch a whiff.
Tip:
Try putting on scents that enhance your natural pheromones and don’t over power them. Some aphrodisiac educing oils are jasmine, neroli, sandalwood, ylang ylang and my favorite…lavender. Try a dab of one of these oils in just the right places and you’ll be sure to get a rise from your mate.
"Love, Sex and the Sense of Smell: Essential Oil Aphrodisiacs: Valentine's Day Romance is in the Air Suite101.com" - http://naturalmedicine.suite101.com/article.cfm/love_sex_and_the_sense_of_smell#ixzz0HHRNs5T0&A
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