JAMES: went to door 44 a few weeks ago and it was hot and the women were hot looking but poor quality because I was hit up for rent money, brake pads, etc…
SHELLI: WTF, serious? that always happens to u
JAMES: I know..why do u think so
SHELLI: Do you put your financial biz out there?
JAMES: nah....just younger women I guess. They tend to have more issues.
SHELLI: The problem with women is they don't realize a man is supposed to take care of you for life...but you can scare him away if you don't play your position right early on
JAMES: Yep…I don’t mind spending but if u ask too soon it’s a big turnoff
*The above is an actual conversation (his real name has been protected)
First of all ladies let me say: A man doesn’t owe you anything. Period! Never go to a bar with an empty wallet; never ask a man you barely know for money. Men are innately equipped with the “take care of your woman” gene. Aside from getting his paper right, there is nothing a man wants more than to provide for his family. You can’t be that woman over night. Again let me restate the problem: WOMEN DON’T REALIZE IT’S A MAN’S JOB TO TAKE CARE OF US FOR LIFE.
The recommendation: Ladies, stop acting so damn THIRSTY! Fostering a lasting relationship with a man takes time and patience. Short term, yes you might get your rent paid or new break pads, but you won’t get the ring (or whatever your long term relationship goal is). Look for more than just a short term peak of your goodies.
I might get heat from this, but if you aren’t looking for a relationship you can have six men taking care of you at once but you still gotta play your cards right and asking for too much too soon ain’t how you get there.
The THIRSTY finish last.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
UGLY WOMEN ARE ATTENTIVE!!??
So I’m hearing from the fella’s that ugly women do more to keep a man. I’m going to call these ugly women “precious” because ugly just seems so harsh. Anyway, they claim that precious women have more to lose so they go above and beyond the call of duty in the bedroom, kitchen and just being attentive to the needs of men on a whole. These precious women basically over compensate because they don’t feel their looks will keep a man. Looks period should not keep a person around, but okay I realize they do…but for how long?
I used to think that it didn’t matter how much a woman over compensates; a man will not stay with a woman that he doesn’t find attractive – inside and out, but for real...I have seen some fine a** men with some precious looking women and it does make you wonder, “wow, how did she get him?”
On the flip said, these brotha’s told me that pretty women are SPOILED and it’s always about “me, me, me”. They said that these women are less attentive and too self centered to cater to the needs of their man. I find that interesting because pretty women are spoiled because men have spoiled them, so fella’s you created that monster and it’s probably too late to tame it. You all get so goo-goo-ga-ga when you see a pretty women. Salivation just runs down your mouth and honestly, men don’t think very logically around pretty women.
They also said that pretty women are NOT good in bed and just want to lay there and look cute. Actually, this one surprised me because I would think a woman’s experience would determine her expertise in the bedroom – not her looks. My advice: ladies don’t be too cute to sweat and if you’re sharing your body with a man then you should be comfortable letting your inner kitten out.
UGLY(precious) vs. PRETTY…IS THERE SOME LEGITIMACY TO THIS?
I used to think that it didn’t matter how much a woman over compensates; a man will not stay with a woman that he doesn’t find attractive – inside and out, but for real...I have seen some fine a** men with some precious looking women and it does make you wonder, “wow, how did she get him?”
On the flip said, these brotha’s told me that pretty women are SPOILED and it’s always about “me, me, me”. They said that these women are less attentive and too self centered to cater to the needs of their man. I find that interesting because pretty women are spoiled because men have spoiled them, so fella’s you created that monster and it’s probably too late to tame it. You all get so goo-goo-ga-ga when you see a pretty women. Salivation just runs down your mouth and honestly, men don’t think very logically around pretty women.
They also said that pretty women are NOT good in bed and just want to lay there and look cute. Actually, this one surprised me because I would think a woman’s experience would determine her expertise in the bedroom – not her looks. My advice: ladies don’t be too cute to sweat and if you’re sharing your body with a man then you should be comfortable letting your inner kitten out.
UGLY(precious) vs. PRETTY…IS THERE SOME LEGITIMACY TO THIS?
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
MALE VS. FEMALE ROLES...THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS 50/50
Last weeks blog was about RULES but this week let’s explore ROLES (and I’m not talking about playing dress up & role playing but we must explore that in another blog haha).
I’m a career woman so I know the roles in my relationship have to be modified, but not so much that I strip him of his manhood or me of my femininity. Ladies, let a man be a man and part of that is being a hunter/gatherer so he can care for his family. Modify your roles so the feminine and masculine traits are not stripped.
When I was a little girl I was determined not to accept my womanly role in life. I would watch my mother do all the cooking and cleaning and I vowed that when I got married, all that stuff would be 50/50…THEN I GREW UP…THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS 50/50.
Now I know, generally speaking, the house is my responsibility and everything that comes with it…cooking, cleaning, laundry, Etc. Do I expect my future husband to help out in those areas…yes, but I think once we accept our roles, then duties of the house and family will run smoothly.
My sister went to pre-marital counseling and the pastor had them list each thing they would be individually responsible for. Of course that list will change for each couple but you have to recognize the things you’re good at handling, while also recognizing your innate capabilities. And for God’s sake, please don’t assume that your mate just automatically knows the role distinctions. You must communicate your strengths and weaknesses so the roles can be executed effectively.
Ladies, don’t fight your roles. It’s okay to take care of home but fella’s it’s just as cool to help out so you don’t take all her hard work for granted.
I’m a career woman so I know the roles in my relationship have to be modified, but not so much that I strip him of his manhood or me of my femininity. Ladies, let a man be a man and part of that is being a hunter/gatherer so he can care for his family. Modify your roles so the feminine and masculine traits are not stripped.
When I was a little girl I was determined not to accept my womanly role in life. I would watch my mother do all the cooking and cleaning and I vowed that when I got married, all that stuff would be 50/50…THEN I GREW UP…THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS 50/50.
Now I know, generally speaking, the house is my responsibility and everything that comes with it…cooking, cleaning, laundry, Etc. Do I expect my future husband to help out in those areas…yes, but I think once we accept our roles, then duties of the house and family will run smoothly.
My sister went to pre-marital counseling and the pastor had them list each thing they would be individually responsible for. Of course that list will change for each couple but you have to recognize the things you’re good at handling, while also recognizing your innate capabilities. And for God’s sake, please don’t assume that your mate just automatically knows the role distinctions. You must communicate your strengths and weaknesses so the roles can be executed effectively.
Ladies, don’t fight your roles. It’s okay to take care of home but fella’s it’s just as cool to help out so you don’t take all her hard work for granted.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
BURN YOUR RELATIONSHIP RULES BOOKS!!!!
I'm a rule breaker by nature because there is always a more creative way to obtain success. The rule book for your lie can not be written until you're dead and gone! Therefore, the rules will NEVER apply to you.
Everyone is reading Steve Harvey's book, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man," and that's cool if you look at it for entertainment purposes only. Don't base your dating life around the rules because rules are meant to be broken. You set yourself up for disappointment if you follow the rules to a tee. What are you going to do when you find out that man/woman is the exception? They'll probably be long gone by then.
Harvey also suggests waiting 90 days before you have sex with a man. I know people who are married and they had sex on the first night! The rules leave little room for extraordinary and let's face it, we're all looking for extraordinary experiences. The rules are mundane, predictable and most of all, they are not certain.
I know women who read every relationship rules book they can get their hands on and they are still single, still searching. Ladies, BURN THOSE DAMN RULES BOOKS AND FOLLOW THE RULES & PASSIONS OF YOUR HEART. You will broaden your experiences and expand the potentials for true happiness.
By all means, use common sense but also let your instincts be your guiding force.
Everyone is reading Steve Harvey's book, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man," and that's cool if you look at it for entertainment purposes only. Don't base your dating life around the rules because rules are meant to be broken. You set yourself up for disappointment if you follow the rules to a tee. What are you going to do when you find out that man/woman is the exception? They'll probably be long gone by then.
Harvey also suggests waiting 90 days before you have sex with a man. I know people who are married and they had sex on the first night! The rules leave little room for extraordinary and let's face it, we're all looking for extraordinary experiences. The rules are mundane, predictable and most of all, they are not certain.
I know women who read every relationship rules book they can get their hands on and they are still single, still searching. Ladies, BURN THOSE DAMN RULES BOOKS AND FOLLOW THE RULES & PASSIONS OF YOUR HEART. You will broaden your experiences and expand the potentials for true happiness.
By all means, use common sense but also let your instincts be your guiding force.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
YOU ARE WHO YOU ATTRACT
A friend of mine had this status on Facebook recently: “I find myself attracted to the same type of women.” My response to him was…"because you are the same man."
A good test to see yourself for who you REALLY are is just look at the people you date. The people we attract are a direct reflection of who we are – the good, the bad & the ugly. Most of us are stubborn and blind to our own fallacies and the only way to acknowledge them is to see them in someone else.
I dated a man who was so nonchalant about EVERYTHING – and that was me; he was my reflection because that’s the way I’ve always treated men (and I think that’s why men liked me because I was a challenge but that’s another blog for another day). He was in my life to show me that my nonchalant attitude implies that I didn’t care – and I really didn’t, but how could I want a man to care if I never cared? I vowed never to treat men that way again – and I haven’t…and in return I got a man who is attentive and far from nonchalant.
The subtle, positive changes we make within ourselves allow us to meet people with the same qualities. It’s all about growth. Are you ready to grow? Then you will recognize your-self in others. That’s the best way to denounce attributes that no longer suit you. It also allows you to give thanks for the positive characteristics you see in your loved ones. I look at my friends in my circle and I thank God for surrounding me with Good people. I’m like, “Hey, that’s me – all of you are me!” So thank you God for showing my growth as a woman and a spiritual being by sending good people to share this journey with.
If you find yourself attracted to the same type of man or woman, first discover what it is they all have in common; then analyze whether those traits are still suitable for where you’re at in your life; then see how those traits are directly connected to you. When you see THEM in YOU, you can praise them for being a life lesson. From there, you either embrace them or release them.
A good test to see yourself for who you REALLY are is just look at the people you date. The people we attract are a direct reflection of who we are – the good, the bad & the ugly. Most of us are stubborn and blind to our own fallacies and the only way to acknowledge them is to see them in someone else.
I dated a man who was so nonchalant about EVERYTHING – and that was me; he was my reflection because that’s the way I’ve always treated men (and I think that’s why men liked me because I was a challenge but that’s another blog for another day). He was in my life to show me that my nonchalant attitude implies that I didn’t care – and I really didn’t, but how could I want a man to care if I never cared? I vowed never to treat men that way again – and I haven’t…and in return I got a man who is attentive and far from nonchalant.
The subtle, positive changes we make within ourselves allow us to meet people with the same qualities. It’s all about growth. Are you ready to grow? Then you will recognize your-self in others. That’s the best way to denounce attributes that no longer suit you. It also allows you to give thanks for the positive characteristics you see in your loved ones. I look at my friends in my circle and I thank God for surrounding me with Good people. I’m like, “Hey, that’s me – all of you are me!” So thank you God for showing my growth as a woman and a spiritual being by sending good people to share this journey with.
If you find yourself attracted to the same type of man or woman, first discover what it is they all have in common; then analyze whether those traits are still suitable for where you’re at in your life; then see how those traits are directly connected to you. When you see THEM in YOU, you can praise them for being a life lesson. From there, you either embrace them or release them.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
YOU A DAMN APRIL FOOL
ANYONE WHO DIDN'T KNOW THIS IS AN APRIL FOOL...BUT IT'S OKAY...ONCE YOU READ THIS SMALL BLURB YOU WILL BE FREAKIN' COOL AND CAN AT LEAST SAY YOU LEARNED SOMETHNG TODAY.
In 1582 Pope Gregory XIII ordered a new calendar (the Gregorian Calendar) to replace the old Julian Calendar. The new calendar called for New Year's Day to be celebrated Jan. 1st. Anyone who continued to celebrate new years on April 1st were called April Fools.
YES, SO THERE USED TO ONLY BE NINE MONTHS IN A YEAR - APRIL THRU DECEMBER- WHICH MAKES SINCE CONSIDERING IT TAKES NINE MONTHS FOR A CHILD TO BE BORN.
SHELLI TINAE'S TIP OF THE DAY: WE DON'T HAVE TO BE ON TIME, BECAUSE WE ARE IN TIME. DON'T LET A MAN-MADE CALENDAR DICTATE YOUR AGE AND SENSE OF WELL BEING.
http://twitter.com/ShelliTinae
In 1582 Pope Gregory XIII ordered a new calendar (the Gregorian Calendar) to replace the old Julian Calendar. The new calendar called for New Year's Day to be celebrated Jan. 1st. Anyone who continued to celebrate new years on April 1st were called April Fools.
YES, SO THERE USED TO ONLY BE NINE MONTHS IN A YEAR - APRIL THRU DECEMBER- WHICH MAKES SINCE CONSIDERING IT TAKES NINE MONTHS FOR A CHILD TO BE BORN.
SHELLI TINAE'S TIP OF THE DAY: WE DON'T HAVE TO BE ON TIME, BECAUSE WE ARE IN TIME. DON'T LET A MAN-MADE CALENDAR DICTATE YOUR AGE AND SENSE OF WELL BEING.
http://twitter.com/ShelliTinae
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
A ONE NIGHT STAND
We all grown, right? Okay…cool…so let’s talk!
Do you think it’s more acceptable to have a one night stand as we get older?
My cousin is queen of going home at the end of the night with a warm blooded stranger.
She will come up to me and say, “Shelli, I’m going home with him, okay?”
At first I used say, “No, I really don’t think you should go,” but one night Sahsha looked at me and said, “She’s grown; let her go”. So from then on I never put up a fight. I figured I just have to trust her to make the right decision. People are going to do what they want to do anyway, ya know?
At 18, I think people cared more about what their peers thought about them – plus, an 18 year is still finding themselves and such a decision may not be in their best interest.
But let’s fast forward ten years…so now let's say we’re dealing with two consenting 28-year-old's and decide to make it happen that night. Should we judge grown folks for handling grown folks business?
By mid to late 20’s, I think people really have found who they are in life and have accepted most personality and character traits as, “that’s just me”. So even though we may be working on better handling certain situations, I feel like people only make minor changes by this age – unless struck by a tragedy. If they a freak at 28 - they'll probably be one at 48.
So tell me…are one night stands cool for the grown & the Young Jeezy inspired “Umma do me” adults? Do we stop judging people by a certain age and just accept the decisions they make (naughty, nasty ones and all)?
Do you think it’s more acceptable to have a one night stand as we get older?
My cousin is queen of going home at the end of the night with a warm blooded stranger.
She will come up to me and say, “Shelli, I’m going home with him, okay?”
At first I used say, “No, I really don’t think you should go,” but one night Sahsha looked at me and said, “She’s grown; let her go”. So from then on I never put up a fight. I figured I just have to trust her to make the right decision. People are going to do what they want to do anyway, ya know?
At 18, I think people cared more about what their peers thought about them – plus, an 18 year is still finding themselves and such a decision may not be in their best interest.
But let’s fast forward ten years…so now let's say we’re dealing with two consenting 28-year-old's and decide to make it happen that night. Should we judge grown folks for handling grown folks business?
By mid to late 20’s, I think people really have found who they are in life and have accepted most personality and character traits as, “that’s just me”. So even though we may be working on better handling certain situations, I feel like people only make minor changes by this age – unless struck by a tragedy. If they a freak at 28 - they'll probably be one at 48.
So tell me…are one night stands cool for the grown & the Young Jeezy inspired “Umma do me” adults? Do we stop judging people by a certain age and just accept the decisions they make (naughty, nasty ones and all)?
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