I found hair in his bed
Picture this: You wake up from a wonderful night of love making and the sun rises and peaks through his bedroom window. He is sleeping soundly and you can see him softly breathing. As you gaze at him longingly, you can’t help but notice something out the corner of your eye. Is it lent? Curiosity leads you to pick up the peculiar substance and you discover it’s hair - a long blonde hair…and your hair is short and black. Oh my, how comfortable the blonde hair looks laying on his 600 count Egyptian thread sheets. Suddenly the room grows dark as night and the sun is still shinning outside but leaving a grim shadow over his room. He is still breathing softly but you forgot to breathe the moment you found…THE HAIR.
If you have ever found another’s woman’s hair in a man’s bed, that means you are not supposed to be there. I don’t care what circumstances led to you finding the hair. The end result is…YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. We can cuss at him and scream bloody Mary but it won’t change the fact that what you found was a sign; a sign to leave.
It’s like the fairy tale, The Princess and the Pea, Winnifred couldn’t sleep because there was a pea under the mattress. She said there was a lump in the bed that was preventing her from sleeping. That lump in the bed is equivalent to the hair plastered on his sheets. You really won’t be able to sleep after that. As thin as one strand of hair is, it will feel like a bowling ball is on the bed...because it's all mental. The hair paints a mental image of someone other than yourself.
God speaks to us via the confirmations we get. I can guarantee you that finding hair is a confirmation to leave and that it was not the first attempt for God to say….RUN! Even if it’s not your boyfriend or husband but just a man you’re sleeping with, that lump in the bed will prevent you from sleeping at night. That hair has a name; that hair has a face.
To my fella’s out there courting several women, keep ya game tight. Wash your sheets frequently, vacuum and wipe off your bathroom counters. Hair sheds, period, so even if you’re not in a committed relationship give the women you date respect enough not to leave a "pea" in the bed.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
If you want your relationship to be everlasting, then you need to recognize that love and respect go hand-n-hand. We can easily be in love with someone and have an affair at the same time but what stops us from making that pesky move? RESPECT. Respect for ourselves and hopefully we realize that we don't want to disrespect our mate at any cost. I feel if you can't control the urge to cheat - then just break up with your mate. Temptation is in all of us but humans have the ability to make choices. Now I'm not saying breaking up with someone you love is easy because there is no way to avoid the hurt and pain - but you could at least say that you were mature enough to recognize that the change taking place inside of you required a change in the current status of your relationship.
If we cheat on mates then we are disrespecting them for the sake of our own self indulges. When you love someone beyond your own selfish pleasures, then you can truly say you love them. When you keep it one hundred first and foremost and you don't lie to them - then you can say LOVE respectfully...and not egocentrically. The ego can keep us seeking self gratification and over look the need to be with one with all there is.
Love me respectfully, not egocentrically.
If we cheat on mates then we are disrespecting them for the sake of our own self indulges. When you love someone beyond your own selfish pleasures, then you can truly say you love them. When you keep it one hundred first and foremost and you don't lie to them - then you can say LOVE respectfully...and not egocentrically. The ego can keep us seeking self gratification and over look the need to be with one with all there is.
Love me respectfully, not egocentrically.
Monday, October 26, 2009
The Authentic Side of Me
I have been that girl who tried too hard to get a man, thinking this is what will please him - but I lost myself in the meantime because I was afraid to show him who I really was. Now I realize, if he doesn't know who I am, then he'll never be mine anyway. There would always be some obstacle inhibiting our growth because of the false portrayals of the real ME. Trying to keep up an ideal image was a disservice to myself...it was a disservice to the man I was desperately trying to impress. I was trying to be so perfect, that it made me imperfect. My experiences have taught me to cut to the chase and expose my true self without fear of rejection. I look at the men I date as a potential friend - not a potential husband. It takes the pressure off the entire situation.
Often we try too hard - especially if the person meets our "fantasy island" criteria. Then we get mentally obsessed with meeting all of his requirements. "I am good enough, see!" Being your authentic self on a date doesn't mean exposing your entire background on a first date, but it does mean feeling comfortable enough not to embellish the truth.The real person will come out eventually so you may as well be seen for who you are in the beginning of the friendship/relationship. You don't need a representative to stand in the place of the real you because once you show your true light, you risk the chance of being judged as fake. A lot of people have their guard up but those are the people who will miss out on meaningful relationships.
I don't think people always intend to cover up the truth, some of them are just surface level people. Trying to break down those walls and get them to open up is a b**ch but I think that's also associated with fear. They will never let you in because they still haven't come to accept who they are. We definitely need someone who accepts their past and is not afraid to communicate it. When you see your growth - the past is not shameful.
So once again things start right where they began...with yourself. When you lovingly accept your authentic self you can share that essence with everyone you meet.
Often we try too hard - especially if the person meets our "fantasy island" criteria. Then we get mentally obsessed with meeting all of his requirements. "I am good enough, see!" Being your authentic self on a date doesn't mean exposing your entire background on a first date, but it does mean feeling comfortable enough not to embellish the truth.The real person will come out eventually so you may as well be seen for who you are in the beginning of the friendship/relationship. You don't need a representative to stand in the place of the real you because once you show your true light, you risk the chance of being judged as fake. A lot of people have their guard up but those are the people who will miss out on meaningful relationships.
I don't think people always intend to cover up the truth, some of them are just surface level people. Trying to break down those walls and get them to open up is a b**ch but I think that's also associated with fear. They will never let you in because they still haven't come to accept who they are. We definitely need someone who accepts their past and is not afraid to communicate it. When you see your growth - the past is not shameful.
So once again things start right where they began...with yourself. When you lovingly accept your authentic self you can share that essence with everyone you meet.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Cuddle Weather is Here!
The best part about this chill in the air…IT’S CUDDLE TIME.
I don’t think it’s a surprise to anyone that the weather dictates your mood and cold weather tends to make us desire a warm body constantly around us. It’s not just about warmth but cuddling is a great way to show affection. Turn down the heater and turn up the skin-to-skin contact. Any person you want to share your space with says a lot.
One of my favorite things to do while cuddling is listening to a man’s heartbeat. It’s so alive…so intricate. The simple beating of a heart can put life in a precious perspective. Try cuddling in silence and really get in tune with one another. The cold weather is just a great excuse to make that happen. The summer is about freedom and the winter is about seclusion. There is nothing more people want to do than snuggle up with their boo during those cold nights because as soon as summer comes it’s time to be out and to be seen.
It dawned on me recently that every break up I’ve had has been in April. Soon as a hint of warmth catches me…I’m gone! It’s something about the seasons that seem to dictate my “relationship mood”…it’s a natural unexplained phenomenon. Spring is about change and rebirth and the sun provides the source of energy to make that happen. Now that it’s fall and getting cold outside, use this time to retreat and snuggle up with that special someone. It’s the little things that make a person know they are loved and appreciated. Holding a person close to you for an extended period of time is a good way to get back to the basics and cuddling is a basic necessity that should not be overlooked. It is a subtle, silent – yet intense connection that your soul will appreciate once your bodies gently collide.
I don’t think it’s a surprise to anyone that the weather dictates your mood and cold weather tends to make us desire a warm body constantly around us. It’s not just about warmth but cuddling is a great way to show affection. Turn down the heater and turn up the skin-to-skin contact. Any person you want to share your space with says a lot.
One of my favorite things to do while cuddling is listening to a man’s heartbeat. It’s so alive…so intricate. The simple beating of a heart can put life in a precious perspective. Try cuddling in silence and really get in tune with one another. The cold weather is just a great excuse to make that happen. The summer is about freedom and the winter is about seclusion. There is nothing more people want to do than snuggle up with their boo during those cold nights because as soon as summer comes it’s time to be out and to be seen.
It dawned on me recently that every break up I’ve had has been in April. Soon as a hint of warmth catches me…I’m gone! It’s something about the seasons that seem to dictate my “relationship mood”…it’s a natural unexplained phenomenon. Spring is about change and rebirth and the sun provides the source of energy to make that happen. Now that it’s fall and getting cold outside, use this time to retreat and snuggle up with that special someone. It’s the little things that make a person know they are loved and appreciated. Holding a person close to you for an extended period of time is a good way to get back to the basics and cuddling is a basic necessity that should not be overlooked. It is a subtle, silent – yet intense connection that your soul will appreciate once your bodies gently collide.
Monday, September 21, 2009
THE RELATIONSHIP FOUNDATION
You build your relationship from the ground up and outside-in, not top to bottom and inside-out. The foundation will determine it's level of stability through any kind of weather. The key components to a lasting relationship are LOVE, RESPECT, HONESTY, TRUST, DISCIPLINE. If any of these are out of whack then your foundation may be off balance but can be repaired with attention and care.
LOVE is an eternal flame that we are born to emit til the day we transition from this Earth (an beyond). When you find someone who resonates on the same love frequency - then that is special and can NEVER be reversed. I believe we are born in the image of God...as LOVE. So the first part of the foundation is LOVE, which may be the easiest of the 5 foundation components because instinct is its guide. I LOVE YOU BECAUSE...I JUST DO.
Something that may not come as easily as RESPECT. I see people all the time disrespecting the one they love by calling them out of their name or justifying extra marital affairs. RESPECT is about honoring the one you love. It is an honor and a blessing to be in the presence of your equal. Your goal should be to never disrespect your mate...never. I find it funny when men tell me they cheat on their wives and tell me they love her in the same conversation. The thin line between love and hate occurs when your mate feels utterly disrespected. That is the turning point.
Another key component is HONESTY. This one I still have a hard time with because it's complex to determine what needs to be revealed. My advice is to confide in your mate freely. After all, the screws holding the foundation together are based on your friendship. Also, it will be better coming from you, rather than someone else. I equate honesty with liberation. Such a load can be removed from the pit of your gut by sharing some of the skeletons in your closet. This is who I was - and this is who I am today. You should not be castrated for showing growth.
TRUST may be a challenge if you grew up not trusting people. My advice is to first TRUST yourself to choose a mate who's TRUSTWORTHY. I think a lot of times we take for granted that our mates are a reflection of us. We don't trust ourselves and our decisions but we want someone to trust us. It just doesn't make any sense. TRUST and believe in your mate as you do yourself to build a strong foundation.
The last foundation component is DISCIPLINE. It'S easy to go putting your screws in someone else's tool box. Let's face it, we are ANIMALS! Some of you have K-9 teeth to prove it. We have to discipline ourselves to stay with one person. I think that's why I always here, "marriage is hard work," because it must be nurtured on a constant basis.
Maintain a balance of each of these relationship components to increase the happiness in your relationship because without a solid foundation - the relationship will crumble.
LOVE is an eternal flame that we are born to emit til the day we transition from this Earth (an beyond). When you find someone who resonates on the same love frequency - then that is special and can NEVER be reversed. I believe we are born in the image of God...as LOVE. So the first part of the foundation is LOVE, which may be the easiest of the 5 foundation components because instinct is its guide. I LOVE YOU BECAUSE...I JUST DO.
Something that may not come as easily as RESPECT. I see people all the time disrespecting the one they love by calling them out of their name or justifying extra marital affairs. RESPECT is about honoring the one you love. It is an honor and a blessing to be in the presence of your equal. Your goal should be to never disrespect your mate...never. I find it funny when men tell me they cheat on their wives and tell me they love her in the same conversation. The thin line between love and hate occurs when your mate feels utterly disrespected. That is the turning point.
Another key component is HONESTY. This one I still have a hard time with because it's complex to determine what needs to be revealed. My advice is to confide in your mate freely. After all, the screws holding the foundation together are based on your friendship. Also, it will be better coming from you, rather than someone else. I equate honesty with liberation. Such a load can be removed from the pit of your gut by sharing some of the skeletons in your closet. This is who I was - and this is who I am today. You should not be castrated for showing growth.
TRUST may be a challenge if you grew up not trusting people. My advice is to first TRUST yourself to choose a mate who's TRUSTWORTHY. I think a lot of times we take for granted that our mates are a reflection of us. We don't trust ourselves and our decisions but we want someone to trust us. It just doesn't make any sense. TRUST and believe in your mate as you do yourself to build a strong foundation.
The last foundation component is DISCIPLINE. It'S easy to go putting your screws in someone else's tool box. Let's face it, we are ANIMALS! Some of you have K-9 teeth to prove it. We have to discipline ourselves to stay with one person. I think that's why I always here, "marriage is hard work," because it must be nurtured on a constant basis.
Maintain a balance of each of these relationship components to increase the happiness in your relationship because without a solid foundation - the relationship will crumble.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
LOVE IS A DECISION
I had the pleasure of being a bride’s maid over the weekend for my dear friend Marisa. Congratulations to her and her new hubby!
The minister performing the ceremony said something that really hit a nerve. To paraphrase he said, love is more than a feeling, love is a decision. You have to decide to love someone; you have to decide to make it work; you have to decide to get through the hard times…together. The feeling will get you nowhere without the mutual understanding and decision to make it work. Often we forget to nurture the decisions we’ve made – and in doing so we relinquish control over the things we truly desire. I believe love is a birth right – we are all love beings, but only we can decide to reach the depths of loves treasures. So yes, love is a decision and a discipline we should honor and cherish every moment.
The minister performing the ceremony said something that really hit a nerve. To paraphrase he said, love is more than a feeling, love is a decision. You have to decide to love someone; you have to decide to make it work; you have to decide to get through the hard times…together. The feeling will get you nowhere without the mutual understanding and decision to make it work. Often we forget to nurture the decisions we’ve made – and in doing so we relinquish control over the things we truly desire. I believe love is a birth right – we are all love beings, but only we can decide to reach the depths of loves treasures. So yes, love is a decision and a discipline we should honor and cherish every moment.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
SELF PLEASURE
This week on 'Straight Talk with Ella Bleu,' we got down to the nitty-gritty on self pleasure.
Most people sneak up on self pleasure at an early age when they are discovering their bodies. Prior to that the body just appeared to be this intricate piece of art that we didn't understand; like we know a car needs gas but have no idea how to build an engine. So the question is: how did self pleasure become so taboo?
If you grew up in a religious home you know that lustful thoughts were shunned upon. Self pleasure was attached to feelings of guilt and remorse (it's amazing to me how religion has the ability to stifle your growth by instilling fear but I'm not going there today). So what we discovered is that the people who masturbate tend to know their bodies and enjoy sex more because they already know the way to their erogenous zones. If you get nothing more from this, please do not rely on your partner to teach you about your own body. I learned my body so know EVERYTHING. Even if I have a headache I can feel the knot in my neck or shoulders and kneed it out. Our bodies are always talking to us.
Your body is a sacred place where spirit resides. Imagine how great your sexual experience would be if you both knew your own bodies. Hopefully some of you can already giving a convincing amen to that! I'm not saying go home and ritualistically please yourself everyday but it should be a periodic exercise to explore the inner & outter workings of your body...a work of art.
To listen to a podcast of "The Masturbation, Fascination," go http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ellableu/2009/07/08/Straight-Talk-with-Ella-Bleu
Most people sneak up on self pleasure at an early age when they are discovering their bodies. Prior to that the body just appeared to be this intricate piece of art that we didn't understand; like we know a car needs gas but have no idea how to build an engine. So the question is: how did self pleasure become so taboo?
If you grew up in a religious home you know that lustful thoughts were shunned upon. Self pleasure was attached to feelings of guilt and remorse (it's amazing to me how religion has the ability to stifle your growth by instilling fear but I'm not going there today). So what we discovered is that the people who masturbate tend to know their bodies and enjoy sex more because they already know the way to their erogenous zones. If you get nothing more from this, please do not rely on your partner to teach you about your own body. I learned my body so know EVERYTHING. Even if I have a headache I can feel the knot in my neck or shoulders and kneed it out. Our bodies are always talking to us.
Your body is a sacred place where spirit resides. Imagine how great your sexual experience would be if you both knew your own bodies. Hopefully some of you can already giving a convincing amen to that! I'm not saying go home and ritualistically please yourself everyday but it should be a periodic exercise to explore the inner & outter workings of your body...a work of art.
To listen to a podcast of "The Masturbation, Fascination," go http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ellableu/2009/07/08/Straight-Talk-with-Ella-Bleu
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