"I had baggage but now I only take a carry on...I like to travel light" - Shelli Tinae
A friend of mine told me that he is "almost" done with women that are 30 and over (what I like to call 30 plussers). He says they have too much baggage weighing them down and that greatly lessens their potential for "wifie" status.
He went on to tell me that he took a 30 plusser on a date and he complimented her on her perfume; then he asked her the name of the fragrance. She refused to tell him. The woman later confessed that she didn't tell him because she didn't want him to go out and buy it for another woman so he could smell it on her.
He's "almost" done and trying to maintain his liberal stance on dating. This is just one of his experiences with 30 plussers and he's getting fed up. I had to ask him: "So at what age does a woman have less baggage?"
"24-27…my research has shown that that is the range of optimal performance for a woman..in all aspects..she's at her best and brightest," he said.
He professes that yes, there are exceptions to the rule but, nonetheless, he still has lumped women over 30 into a problematic category that includes anger, baggage, and insecurities.
I will say that, the older a woman get's the more experience she has when you meet her - and that can either be good or bad. In fact, it's both good and bad. These experiences have shaped her current existence and a lot of women have let those experiences dictate how they interact with the men they meet. Ladies, not only is this unfair to them, but it's also unfair to you. No one wants to be tried in a court of law for someone else's crime.
I don't want to dog his point of view because I do think it's valid. Generally speaking, we need to add all of those experiences (good and bad) up and look at them as one GRAND lesson. There is no need to look back and dwell on the past because it is nothing more but the sum of this present moment and in theory should make you a better person because you will have learned who to BE and who not to BE.
On the other hand, this is not about age because age is relative. A woman 24-27 years old may have fewer experiences but they could have been severelydamaging to her character.
Men, before you start complaining about women, you need to take a look in the mirror because, after all...you are who attract. If you see reoccurring problems in your life, there is a lesson you are missing. So in the end, it's not about the women over 30, it's about renewing YOUR-SELF so your experiences with women reflect your renewed sense of self.
7 comments:
Shelli I totally agree with you. Its not about the age of a woman. Basically you are what you attract. So you definitely have to look at yourself and reflect. Once you identify the issues that are going on in ones life you can design and shape what you will attract. You are the maker of the what goes on in your life. You have to make it happen with yourself first.
The saying that age is just a number is true, especially in the case of relationships. Experiences build character! You've also heard the saying of someone having an "old soul." That's because their wisdom outweighs their age. Then, you have those that are older that remind you of a whining baby. That's why it's very rare for you to forever be with your "first love." At that time in your life, you have no clue about ANYTHING. You're learning about yourself and how to deal with someone of the opposite sex. The vast majority of us look back at our first love and think "thank God I didn't marry him/her." Being over 30 has given me experiences that taught me to know what I will deal with and what I won't. If you condemn someone because of their years, you're extremely shallow, especially if you're in the same age bracket. What are you truly saying about yourself. Many people have a tendency to be shallow and place blame where it shouldn't be. If you're saying you won't see "all women/men" because of their age, that's slow. You have to take each person for what they're worth. If you don't, you may very well close the door on who God has placed in your life.
Let’s first take into respect that any one person can choose to date or not to date a person for any reason and we can not hold them accountable for that. This is a free society where we are able to start relationships with whom ever we chose as long as it is within legal bounds.
My assessment of the situation…. (both men and women)
When you become of a certain age you have experience more life situations. Of course you bring with you to any situation what you have been through in life. Your experiences and actions make you who you are as a person. When you are 30 or older you may be suck in your ways use to the same sort of routine or have dated someone for a few years and know what you like. There is nothing wrong with that. But do understand that you are older and you have experienced more. If you have been in a situation that was dramatic you will do what you can to avoid that situation. If you are over 30 and act as you did when you were 20 then you have not grown at all.
Dating a younger person you know that they do not have as many life experiences as you. In today’s society we have all done the same things if you in the 20s – 30s range. School Work date marry drama drugs kids fights sex ect. We are all the same but if you are older then you have done more of the listed above.
I can not provide you with a clear cut answer. I know that the facts stand that if you are older then you bring a lot to the table. That is natural, you can lie to your self and be as open minded as possible, but you are still old(er) and with that age you bring more to the table. That is years of life experience you carry with you no matter how much you try to suppress them. Now if your over 30 and picky then you might just want to stay single
This may make more sense. Not a lot of people think like me I am highly intelligent and sometimes to intelligent for my own damn good! I prefer to date someone within my age range. Reason – we have the same amount life experiences. Give or take a few years of some activity like school, volunteer work travel ect but we have done the same things and being within the age range there will not be such a gap thinking an reasoning. I feel more of a connection with a partner of the same age. If I am single when I am 30 – 40 – 50 I will not decide to date a younger women unless we just share that much of a connection.
I can totally agree with the statement provided the individual who did not want to date women over 30. This is his choice. On a personal note in regards to both men and women age makes a difference. I am under 30 but do appreciate the experience that some (very few) older women bring to the table. In my experience it has been some insecurity some insanity. Now this has just been my experience. May be because of society or high standards defense mechanisms IDK.
This is my opinion. People are so picky too short too fat too old too young not enough money too many kids too dark too loud too high maintenance too something AAARGH. Stop being so F-ING picky because you are not all that. Appreciate the people that you meet. The older you are the more you are growing by your self and with out a life partner. 30 and single 40 and single 50 and single all because you did not find that right fit or you set your focus on someone that can care less about you. Relax let that handsome guy or sexy lady down the hall take you out to lunch. You never know what may happen.
30 and over women are great. I'm under 30 and I prefer to talk to older women. They have more experience, deal with more complex issues, and are more open to thinking different because they have dealt with different scenarios.
Ol boy in the story that said he's almost done dealing with 30+ women. Good..Thanks..Mo Fo Me (just kiddin)..HAHAHAA. He just ran into a sour broad on a bad day and she's just killin her own chances. That doesn't mean the next 30+ year old isn't cool or doesn't have the right qualities or personality and doesn't hold a grudge. In the words of Goodie Mob, "One Monkey Don't Stop No Show". Keep pushin...
All women have insecurities. Most women have baggage and carry that shit faithfully. If you don't want a woman with baggage, better go to a monestary and get to mackin. Cuz they are the only ones without purses of bullshit.
Yes Ray I agree that an older woman has more experience and that makes her more aware of herself and basically she's just more mature. I think you can be jaded at any age. Men who date younger, probably prefer to mold their women. Either way, dating younger or older is a preference and the most important things are CHEMISTRY AND COMPATIBILITY.
You know what, let him date whomever he wants. We all make rash general statements about who we aren't going to deal with anymore, but that just makes the dating pool smaller. Maybe all this is HIS inability to deal with a certain type of woman.
That being said, everyone has baggage, whether it is ex-lovers, family, work, life...they all add up to life lessons. Now, some people need to learn how to juggle and store their baggage, b/c if you dont, it will weigh you down and make you miserable and get the best of you.
I think that his desire to not date women shows and says more about him than women. Because I have learned (and this isn't b/c I am a 30+er), that regardless of gender, age does not equal: maturity, intelligence, looks, sense, health or anything else profound; it equals your age based on birth, that is it. I'm not sure that is good or bad, just how it is.
"You are who you attract", is so very true Shelli. I think that people tend to want to focus outward versus looking within. If you are attracting someone who hasn't dealt with their life experiences and the issues that develop because of them (i.e., baggage), one should stop and look at what issues they haven't dealt with, or continue to avoid dealing with. I believe that every person you meet is there to teach you a lesson and if you do not learn or grow from that experience it will repeat itself. It will be the same game just with different players.
I can honestly say that I give people a clean slate when I first meet them. That is not to say that I do not have issues, but I make a conscious effort not to project my issues on the individual I am getting to know. When it gets to the point where you are getting to know someone on a deeper level, I think there is a tactful way to share how your life issues have impacted you as a human being and what your needs are because of them.
I don't have baggage, because I choose not to hold on to life's negative experiences. Instead I have chosen to take an honest look within, accept the experience and grow from the lesson. If you can be honest with yourself...about yourself, you can be honest with others about who you are! It's not easy, but evolution is a beautiful thing!
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