I’m trying to get a clear understanding of what being “committed” means in these days and times. A piece of paper will undoubtedly legalize the union but, theoretically, you both were still monogamous prior to the ceremony. You use this time as a testing period to see if this person can hold your interest...for life. Guidelines and boundaries are established early on in the relationship, even if they are subtle exchanges of information.
Often we solely say, “Yes we are together,” and just expect the other party to be on the same page; we expect them to act along the perimeters we deem feasible. So, I don’t have this down to a science, but thank God for my blog family because now I want us to create a list: GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND rules vs. HUSBAND/WIFE rules.
But first tell me if you think the GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND titles are juvenile since we are no longer girls and boys.
Here I’ll start:
I think I’d rather refer to my mate as my “man,” because a boy, he is not! On the other hand I think, to hell with the technicalities and I just want to conform to the norm. Saying “boyfriend” will cut to the chase: “yes that’s my dude, but we aren’t married, and we aren’t engaged.”
GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND COMMITMENT GUIDELINE # 1:
Agree to an exclusive relationship
HUSBAND/WIFE COMMITMENT GUIDELINE # 1:
A formal commitment to an exclusive relationship
PLEASE ADD TO THIS SO WE CAN GET A GOOD LIST COMPILED AND FIND OUT ONCE AND FOR ALL IF THERE IS A DIFFERENCE IN WHAT'S EXPECTED AT THE START (GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND) AND THE END (HUSBAND/WIFE) OF A RELATIONSHIP.
4 comments:
Highly interesting that this topic should come up it has to be something in the air and females are feeling it right now.
Over hearing a conversation between a few of my female executive board members in the office she simply stated the difference between dating and marriage rules ect.
In so many words you are single until you are married. Nothing else matters in regards to investments kids cars jobs love money sex living arrangements ect. You are just good friends unless you are married. I initially thought nah that’s BS not true but she is right. Its like baby we are not married but we can make this cute and add cute titles and have fun little ground rules and this can be so magical 'like' a marriage. I know she is divorced but Im not sure if she was married once or twice. I have never been married but when I thought about it, she was right. Oh well
Was I off topic?
Wow Shell you went there!!!!!
William, you're right! This topic is definitely in the air!!!
I used to believe that you are single until you are married. Now although that statement in general is very true, what about those couples that choose to build a life together, a monogamous life, homes, finances, kids, business, etc. Are they single? No!!!
I believe in marriage, but I no longer look to the traditional definitions and ideals that are minds have been bombarded with in this society. When I have met the person that I want to build a lifelong partnership with, we will decide what our union or marriage will be. Personally, that will develop and take form as we are building our friendship and allowing it to grow.
So in the beginning, I think that there shouldn't be any set "rules". I think that people should take the time to get to know one another, so they can have a better sense for whether or not that person is worth entertaining as more than a friend. If they are, I think that you can confirm or set boundaries for your relationship. If you and your "friend" are honestly communicating with one another while you're developing your friendship they should have an idea of what will and won't work for you in a relationship.
I think that once two people have decided to be in a committed relationship, you're getting a preview for what your marriage could be like. I don't expect my man to change once we get married. No, be who you are so I know what I am getting myself into, and I'm going to be who I am so you know what you're getting yourself into. It's time for people to erase their fantasies about marriage and just be real!
At our age we should know who we are and what we want and need! If we're not there yet, let's be a faithful work in progress. Shell, you're right, at our age we should not be using the "boyfriend/girlfriend" titles. Words are powerful and I do not want a boy. I want a MAN!
My dating rule is: to be real and develop a friendship.
My relationship and marriage rules are the same: maintain your friendship and honesty, as a couple define and agree upon your relationship, value, honor and respect your commitment and your partner!
Love is NOT enough! Relationships take HARD WORK but if you LOVE your partner and know that you are worthy of one another, the WORK is WORTH it!
I think mariage used to mean something. It used to be a binding contract, in the eyes of the law and the Lord, but I dont think that is the case anymore. And I think that is because our society has shifted to become a gluttonous, self-entitled, lazy society, bent on immediate gratification.
There are couples, who cant or dont "make it legal," who respect their bond more than some couples who have the legal ties that bind them to each other.
Im with lastar, i think based on the relationship i am in, my partner and I will decide the boundaries and parameters of that relationship. But whether you are a new couple, in your tenth year together, whatever, you have to work at the relationship, both parties have to work at the relationship...thats why i say society has impacted relationships. People get married and divorced like they return something that doesnt fit...
As for the boyfriend/girlfriend title...Ive never been one for titles, but that tended to be a fear of commitment. However, I do agree that that terminology doesnt seem appropriate for an adult relationship...calling someone "your man" or "your woman" seems casual. In reality, i think what you call the person you are with, depends on what you and that person agree to and depends on what you want to call your relationship...it is as simple as that.
Both marriage and friendships are UNIONS and each couple decides the extent of them. I love how Monique used the term, "monogamous friendship," because at the root of ALL relationships should be friendship. I don't think I'll be single until I'm married because you can't turn commitment on and off like a faucet, like "okay, I've been seeing other... Read More people our entire relationship but tomorrow after we jump the broom, you'll be the only one." Commitment takes practice; relationship takes work...a labor of love. Titles are not as important as the UNDERSTANDING you both share.
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