For black women hair is ALWAYS an issue. Whether it’s fried, dyed or laid to the side, hair is a focal point. We decide on all activities based on whether or not our hair will get messed up. I want to work out but my hair…I want to go swimming but my hair…I want to be sexy in bed but my hair…These challenges are the reason why I chose a natural hairstyle so it didn’t interfere with my active lifestyle. Most black women haven’t chosen the natural route so the men who love them need to be more understanding. Look at it this way, if you want her to sleep without a scarf more often – then offer to pay for some of those expensive hair bills. A compromise has to be found because I guarantee you she will not abandon the scarf completely.
Since I was a toddler a scarf was apart of my nightly wardrobe. From blue bandanas to momma’s old nylon stockings, to silk scarves and bonnets – the head wrap was a staple in my house. When I was younger it was easier on my mom so she didn’t have to do anything on a busy school morning but re-twist my ponytails that were flattened like pancakes during my nights sleep. As I got older and did my own hair, I continued wrapping my hair at night because without them my hair would be all over the place.
The scarf became a ritualistic necessity.
Before I locked my hair, I can remember not wanting a man to see me in my scarf at night so I would sacrifice more hours in the mirror the next morning just to save myself from embarrassment but after a few rendezvous’ that scarf was put to use. Is the scarf sexy? Maybe not but neither is a dew rag or snoring in bed. Women – black women in particular, make sacrifices at night to maintain our sexy during the day. I know some men feel like women should be damn near perfect for them all the time but that’s neither fair nor realistic. If it bothers you that a woman needs to wear a head wrap every night and you are starting to find her unattractive, then you may be best dating a woman with natural hair. She is more carefree about her hairdo and seldom wears a scarf to bed. The other option is to remember that wearing a scarf is not a character trait so remember the reasons why you chose her in the first place.
Ladies, do you wear a scarf to bed? Guys, does it bother you to see a woman sleep in a scarf?
3 comments:
"Dyed, fried, or laid to the side"...HILARIOUS!
Moving along...lol
Do I wear a scarf on my head to go to sleep? Only when I just get my locs done, lol. so for like a week or so. It certainly isn't mandatory for my hair to still look fresh! I share a similar view as Shell. I don't like feeling stifled by anything on my head only to have a fancy coif in the AM so natural was, well, the natural choice for me! I love when folks play in my hair!
Brothas, don't knock the sistas for tying it down at night, for the most part, its for you!
I use to wear a scarf to bed all the time until I got silk pillow cases. I would just comb my hair in the wrap position and then lay it down. Wake up next morning hair still in tack. When I would wash and wrap my hair I would wear a scarf and a beanie so it will dry over night. Sometimes if I don't feel like doing anything to my hair when I go out I would wear a scarf with my outfit. Yet in still in doing all of this it was for me. Now that I am going natural, I have a different view, I don't give a crap about a scarf our a pillow case. If I choose to use them, then ok cool if I don't then so what. Just like India Arie said I am not my hair I am not this skin. I am not your expectations no no. I am not my hair. I am not this skin. I am a soul that lives within.
I think wearing a scarf to bed is just life for most black women. Now I'm not saying wear it to bed all the time - I believe in balance, but I understand being turned off by someone's bedside manor. We should be careful about the things we do in the bedroom since that's the place we are the most intimate with our mates.
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