For black women hair is ALWAYS an issue. Whether it’s fried, dyed or laid to the side, hair is a focal point. We decide on all activities based on whether or not our hair will get messed up. I want to work out but my hair…I want to go swimming but my hair…I want to be sexy in bed but my hair…These challenges are the reason why I chose a natural hairstyle so it didn’t interfere with my active lifestyle. Most black women haven’t chosen the natural route so the men who love them need to be more understanding. Look at it this way, if you want her to sleep without a scarf more often – then offer to pay for some of those expensive hair bills. A compromise has to be found because I guarantee you she will not abandon the scarf completely.
Since I was a toddler a scarf was apart of my nightly wardrobe. From blue bandanas to momma’s old nylon stockings, to silk scarves and bonnets – the head wrap was a staple in my house. When I was younger it was easier on my mom so she didn’t have to do anything on a busy school morning but re-twist my ponytails that were flattened like pancakes during my nights sleep. As I got older and did my own hair, I continued wrapping my hair at night because without them my hair would be all over the place.
The scarf became a ritualistic necessity.
Before I locked my hair, I can remember not wanting a man to see me in my scarf at night so I would sacrifice more hours in the mirror the next morning just to save myself from embarrassment but after a few rendezvous’ that scarf was put to use. Is the scarf sexy? Maybe not but neither is a dew rag or snoring in bed. Women – black women in particular, make sacrifices at night to maintain our sexy during the day. I know some men feel like women should be damn near perfect for them all the time but that’s neither fair nor realistic. If it bothers you that a woman needs to wear a head wrap every night and you are starting to find her unattractive, then you may be best dating a woman with natural hair. She is more carefree about her hairdo and seldom wears a scarf to bed. The other option is to remember that wearing a scarf is not a character trait so remember the reasons why you chose her in the first place.
Ladies, do you wear a scarf to bed? Guys, does it bother you to see a woman sleep in a scarf?
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Straight Men in Atlanta "Saving" Women from the Gayest City in the Country
By now most of you have heard about the article in Advocate Magazine that voted Atlanta as the gayest city in the country. Okay, I will admit I’m surprised it’s worse than San Francisco but it explains why the heterosexual men here feel they have something to prove. I believe living in a city as gay as Atlanta, the straight men here feel (an unconscious feeling) they have to over compensate to prove their straight. The way they go about doing this, is a good majority of them flaunt their heterosexuality to and with every woman in town! I think they believe they are the single woman’s SAVIOR. Like, “it’s either you date me non-exclusively or you’re left with the gay men at Bull Dogs.” Men are very protective of their rolls as the leaders and providers and living in Atlanta has caused that natural instinct to become elevated and thus out of whack.
There are A LOT of eligible bachelors in Atlanta. Successful, own homes, nice cars, 401k’s with stock options, etc…living the American dream but the American dream doesn’t seem to come equipped with the idea of settling down. Now, I do believe people should be single until they are ready to make a commitment but the men here have no desire to settle down because they are too busy “saving” all the women from the gays. I remember I met a guy from DC who was here visiting and he was quick to say, “Man, if I lived in Atlanta I would be not have a girlfriend.” It’s like Atlanta is the land of the lost single men who are in no hurry to grow up; in no hurry to find just ONE woman to spend their time with. I can’t say that I’m blaming these men because a big part of me feels they are a product of their environment. If I were to transport these same eligible bachelor’s to Minnesota, they’d probably all be married or at least engaged.
The battle of the testosterone is at its peak here in Atlanta because the straight men here don’t EVER want anyone to think they are a member of the high Gays population. These men aren’t making excuses for being straight – but they are acting them out in their dating life to prove a point and the point is being well received by single black women here; IF I WANT A SINGLE, STRAIGHT MAN IN ATLANTA, I HAVE TO SHARE HIM.
There are A LOT of eligible bachelors in Atlanta. Successful, own homes, nice cars, 401k’s with stock options, etc…living the American dream but the American dream doesn’t seem to come equipped with the idea of settling down. Now, I do believe people should be single until they are ready to make a commitment but the men here have no desire to settle down because they are too busy “saving” all the women from the gays. I remember I met a guy from DC who was here visiting and he was quick to say, “Man, if I lived in Atlanta I would be not have a girlfriend.” It’s like Atlanta is the land of the lost single men who are in no hurry to grow up; in no hurry to find just ONE woman to spend their time with. I can’t say that I’m blaming these men because a big part of me feels they are a product of their environment. If I were to transport these same eligible bachelor’s to Minnesota, they’d probably all be married or at least engaged.
The battle of the testosterone is at its peak here in Atlanta because the straight men here don’t EVER want anyone to think they are a member of the high Gays population. These men aren’t making excuses for being straight – but they are acting them out in their dating life to prove a point and the point is being well received by single black women here; IF I WANT A SINGLE, STRAIGHT MAN IN ATLANTA, I HAVE TO SHARE HIM.
Monday, December 14, 2009
NATURAL BORN LOVERS
Kissing is an art; understanding a woman's body is an art. Love making....well, love making is an artistic fantasy.
Michael Jordan wasn't born with a basketball in his hand, but once he learned to play his natural talents just shined. He found his rhythm and the pure essence of his game was undeniable. I look at love making in the same way; we weren't born having sex but some people are....NATURAL BORN LOVERS.
Have you ever been with someone and they did everything right? They are a NBL - and you're probably not the only person who's discovered their splendid talents. They are passion extremist, engulfed in their sexual fantasies. These lovers have an uncanny way of pleasing their mate at all cost and understand the rhythms of their bodies - as well as their mates. Some things can not be taught - they have to be felt on an unconscious level and as much as we are spiritual beings - we can not deny these physical bodies that our soul in habitats. Natural Born Lovers understand this concept more than anyone else. If you are not a NBL then just hope that you have the opportunity to get lessons from one of these sexual beasts. Everyone can't be Michael Jordan but you can still suit up for the game and get some playing time.
WARNING: A Natural Born Lover may not love anything more than the act itself. After all, it is a fantasy inspired virtual reality. So be careful with your heart if your body has been sacrificed for the experience.
Michael Jordan wasn't born with a basketball in his hand, but once he learned to play his natural talents just shined. He found his rhythm and the pure essence of his game was undeniable. I look at love making in the same way; we weren't born having sex but some people are....NATURAL BORN LOVERS.
Have you ever been with someone and they did everything right? They are a NBL - and you're probably not the only person who's discovered their splendid talents. They are passion extremist, engulfed in their sexual fantasies. These lovers have an uncanny way of pleasing their mate at all cost and understand the rhythms of their bodies - as well as their mates. Some things can not be taught - they have to be felt on an unconscious level and as much as we are spiritual beings - we can not deny these physical bodies that our soul in habitats. Natural Born Lovers understand this concept more than anyone else. If you are not a NBL then just hope that you have the opportunity to get lessons from one of these sexual beasts. Everyone can't be Michael Jordan but you can still suit up for the game and get some playing time.
WARNING: A Natural Born Lover may not love anything more than the act itself. After all, it is a fantasy inspired virtual reality. So be careful with your heart if your body has been sacrificed for the experience.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
I Found Hair in his Bed!?!?
I found hair in his bed
Picture this: You wake up from a wonderful night of love making and the sun rises and peaks through his bedroom window. He is sleeping soundly and you can see him softly breathing. As you gaze at him longingly, you can’t help but notice something out the corner of your eye. Is it lent? Curiosity leads you to pick up the peculiar substance and you discover it’s hair - a long blonde hair…and your hair is short and black. Oh my, how comfortable the blonde hair looks laying on his 600 count Egyptian thread sheets. Suddenly the room grows dark as night and the sun is still shinning outside but leaving a grim shadow over his room. He is still breathing softly but you forgot to breathe the moment you found…THE HAIR.
If you have ever found another’s woman’s hair in a man’s bed, that means you are not supposed to be there. I don’t care what circumstances led to you finding the hair. The end result is…YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. We can cuss at him and scream bloody Mary but it won’t change the fact that what you found was a sign; a sign to leave.
It’s like the fairy tale, The Princess and the Pea, Winnifred couldn’t sleep because there was a pea under the mattress. She said there was a lump in the bed that was preventing her from sleeping. That lump in the bed is equivalent to the hair plastered on his sheets. You really won’t be able to sleep after that. As thin as one strand of hair is, it will feel like a bowling ball is on the bed...because it's all mental. The hair paints a mental image of someone other than yourself.
God speaks to us via the confirmations we get. I can guarantee you that finding hair is a confirmation to leave and that it was not the first attempt for God to say….RUN! Even if it’s not your boyfriend or husband but just a man you’re sleeping with, that lump in the bed will prevent you from sleeping at night. That hair has a name; that hair has a face.
To my fella’s out there courting several women, keep ya game tight. Wash your sheets frequently, vacuum and wipe off your bathroom counters. Hair sheds, period, so even if you’re not in a committed relationship give the women you date respect enough not to leave a "pea" in the bed.
Picture this: You wake up from a wonderful night of love making and the sun rises and peaks through his bedroom window. He is sleeping soundly and you can see him softly breathing. As you gaze at him longingly, you can’t help but notice something out the corner of your eye. Is it lent? Curiosity leads you to pick up the peculiar substance and you discover it’s hair - a long blonde hair…and your hair is short and black. Oh my, how comfortable the blonde hair looks laying on his 600 count Egyptian thread sheets. Suddenly the room grows dark as night and the sun is still shinning outside but leaving a grim shadow over his room. He is still breathing softly but you forgot to breathe the moment you found…THE HAIR.
If you have ever found another’s woman’s hair in a man’s bed, that means you are not supposed to be there. I don’t care what circumstances led to you finding the hair. The end result is…YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. We can cuss at him and scream bloody Mary but it won’t change the fact that what you found was a sign; a sign to leave.
It’s like the fairy tale, The Princess and the Pea, Winnifred couldn’t sleep because there was a pea under the mattress. She said there was a lump in the bed that was preventing her from sleeping. That lump in the bed is equivalent to the hair plastered on his sheets. You really won’t be able to sleep after that. As thin as one strand of hair is, it will feel like a bowling ball is on the bed...because it's all mental. The hair paints a mental image of someone other than yourself.
God speaks to us via the confirmations we get. I can guarantee you that finding hair is a confirmation to leave and that it was not the first attempt for God to say….RUN! Even if it’s not your boyfriend or husband but just a man you’re sleeping with, that lump in the bed will prevent you from sleeping at night. That hair has a name; that hair has a face.
To my fella’s out there courting several women, keep ya game tight. Wash your sheets frequently, vacuum and wipe off your bathroom counters. Hair sheds, period, so even if you’re not in a committed relationship give the women you date respect enough not to leave a "pea" in the bed.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
If you want your relationship to be everlasting, then you need to recognize that love and respect go hand-n-hand. We can easily be in love with someone and have an affair at the same time but what stops us from making that pesky move? RESPECT. Respect for ourselves and hopefully we realize that we don't want to disrespect our mate at any cost. I feel if you can't control the urge to cheat - then just break up with your mate. Temptation is in all of us but humans have the ability to make choices. Now I'm not saying breaking up with someone you love is easy because there is no way to avoid the hurt and pain - but you could at least say that you were mature enough to recognize that the change taking place inside of you required a change in the current status of your relationship.
If we cheat on mates then we are disrespecting them for the sake of our own self indulges. When you love someone beyond your own selfish pleasures, then you can truly say you love them. When you keep it one hundred first and foremost and you don't lie to them - then you can say LOVE respectfully...and not egocentrically. The ego can keep us seeking self gratification and over look the need to be with one with all there is.
Love me respectfully, not egocentrically.
If we cheat on mates then we are disrespecting them for the sake of our own self indulges. When you love someone beyond your own selfish pleasures, then you can truly say you love them. When you keep it one hundred first and foremost and you don't lie to them - then you can say LOVE respectfully...and not egocentrically. The ego can keep us seeking self gratification and over look the need to be with one with all there is.
Love me respectfully, not egocentrically.
Monday, October 26, 2009
The Authentic Side of Me
I have been that girl who tried too hard to get a man, thinking this is what will please him - but I lost myself in the meantime because I was afraid to show him who I really was. Now I realize, if he doesn't know who I am, then he'll never be mine anyway. There would always be some obstacle inhibiting our growth because of the false portrayals of the real ME. Trying to keep up an ideal image was a disservice to myself...it was a disservice to the man I was desperately trying to impress. I was trying to be so perfect, that it made me imperfect. My experiences have taught me to cut to the chase and expose my true self without fear of rejection. I look at the men I date as a potential friend - not a potential husband. It takes the pressure off the entire situation.
Often we try too hard - especially if the person meets our "fantasy island" criteria. Then we get mentally obsessed with meeting all of his requirements. "I am good enough, see!" Being your authentic self on a date doesn't mean exposing your entire background on a first date, but it does mean feeling comfortable enough not to embellish the truth.The real person will come out eventually so you may as well be seen for who you are in the beginning of the friendship/relationship. You don't need a representative to stand in the place of the real you because once you show your true light, you risk the chance of being judged as fake. A lot of people have their guard up but those are the people who will miss out on meaningful relationships.
I don't think people always intend to cover up the truth, some of them are just surface level people. Trying to break down those walls and get them to open up is a b**ch but I think that's also associated with fear. They will never let you in because they still haven't come to accept who they are. We definitely need someone who accepts their past and is not afraid to communicate it. When you see your growth - the past is not shameful.
So once again things start right where they began...with yourself. When you lovingly accept your authentic self you can share that essence with everyone you meet.
Often we try too hard - especially if the person meets our "fantasy island" criteria. Then we get mentally obsessed with meeting all of his requirements. "I am good enough, see!" Being your authentic self on a date doesn't mean exposing your entire background on a first date, but it does mean feeling comfortable enough not to embellish the truth.The real person will come out eventually so you may as well be seen for who you are in the beginning of the friendship/relationship. You don't need a representative to stand in the place of the real you because once you show your true light, you risk the chance of being judged as fake. A lot of people have their guard up but those are the people who will miss out on meaningful relationships.
I don't think people always intend to cover up the truth, some of them are just surface level people. Trying to break down those walls and get them to open up is a b**ch but I think that's also associated with fear. They will never let you in because they still haven't come to accept who they are. We definitely need someone who accepts their past and is not afraid to communicate it. When you see your growth - the past is not shameful.
So once again things start right where they began...with yourself. When you lovingly accept your authentic self you can share that essence with everyone you meet.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Cuddle Weather is Here!
The best part about this chill in the air…IT’S CUDDLE TIME.
I don’t think it’s a surprise to anyone that the weather dictates your mood and cold weather tends to make us desire a warm body constantly around us. It’s not just about warmth but cuddling is a great way to show affection. Turn down the heater and turn up the skin-to-skin contact. Any person you want to share your space with says a lot.
One of my favorite things to do while cuddling is listening to a man’s heartbeat. It’s so alive…so intricate. The simple beating of a heart can put life in a precious perspective. Try cuddling in silence and really get in tune with one another. The cold weather is just a great excuse to make that happen. The summer is about freedom and the winter is about seclusion. There is nothing more people want to do than snuggle up with their boo during those cold nights because as soon as summer comes it’s time to be out and to be seen.
It dawned on me recently that every break up I’ve had has been in April. Soon as a hint of warmth catches me…I’m gone! It’s something about the seasons that seem to dictate my “relationship mood”…it’s a natural unexplained phenomenon. Spring is about change and rebirth and the sun provides the source of energy to make that happen. Now that it’s fall and getting cold outside, use this time to retreat and snuggle up with that special someone. It’s the little things that make a person know they are loved and appreciated. Holding a person close to you for an extended period of time is a good way to get back to the basics and cuddling is a basic necessity that should not be overlooked. It is a subtle, silent – yet intense connection that your soul will appreciate once your bodies gently collide.
I don’t think it’s a surprise to anyone that the weather dictates your mood and cold weather tends to make us desire a warm body constantly around us. It’s not just about warmth but cuddling is a great way to show affection. Turn down the heater and turn up the skin-to-skin contact. Any person you want to share your space with says a lot.
One of my favorite things to do while cuddling is listening to a man’s heartbeat. It’s so alive…so intricate. The simple beating of a heart can put life in a precious perspective. Try cuddling in silence and really get in tune with one another. The cold weather is just a great excuse to make that happen. The summer is about freedom and the winter is about seclusion. There is nothing more people want to do than snuggle up with their boo during those cold nights because as soon as summer comes it’s time to be out and to be seen.
It dawned on me recently that every break up I’ve had has been in April. Soon as a hint of warmth catches me…I’m gone! It’s something about the seasons that seem to dictate my “relationship mood”…it’s a natural unexplained phenomenon. Spring is about change and rebirth and the sun provides the source of energy to make that happen. Now that it’s fall and getting cold outside, use this time to retreat and snuggle up with that special someone. It’s the little things that make a person know they are loved and appreciated. Holding a person close to you for an extended period of time is a good way to get back to the basics and cuddling is a basic necessity that should not be overlooked. It is a subtle, silent – yet intense connection that your soul will appreciate once your bodies gently collide.
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