Why are women acting so desperate?
If the collective of women are desperate, it HURTS the position for the women who feel a man should pursue her - and not the other way around.
On the flip side, the collective of men are not exercising chilvery and doing the bare minimum to get the women they seek. This actually HELPS the position for the few men that are rightous because women aren't used to seeing "real" men anymore.
Will women ever stop acting desperate? What do we have to do to get our respect back?
AND…
Will men ever go back to courting women? What will it take for them to recognize the beauty and admiration they have for their mothers, is within all women and should be honored?
8 comments:
Usually I've found that even though women "say" they want a chivalrous man of past generations, when they meet one they're usually dismissed as being too soft or too nice.
Younger women in particular will pass over the guy who will do all of the right things for them in favor of the so-called "bad guy" whom they are strongly attracted to but are treated poorly by them. They convince themselves that they can "change" him over time and make him THE ONE. After a few years (or more) they realize that this type of guy is not the one to settle down with and go looking for the guy who was dismissed before. By then he is (1) married or (2) has turned into a "bad guy" himself because he was tired of being the guy who finished last and always got played..
This cycle is reflected in the music that is popular today. It is no longer mainstream to sing praises about a woman and what you'll do to make her yours forever. Nowadays it's hot to rap about money and the "bitches" you get from flashing it. Not only are young men molded by this attitude, but young women are accepting that it's ok for them to be viewed in this manner and passing this on to their children as well.
The question was asked will men ever go back to courting women and treating them with the upmost respect. I have two answers....Yes, but only IF WOMEN COLLECTIVELY DEMAND THAT WE DO IT!! What they don't realize or fully understand is men will do only what you allow them to do. If a female establishes at the beginning what she will and will not tolerate, and sticks to them the man will either follow or he is dismissed. The problem arises when she does not stick to her rules and starts bending them to adjust for his behavior. Sadly many women choose to allow the behavior than deal with the alternative of being alone. The second answer is these type of men do still exist, women just have to first recognize who they are and stop thinking they are full of shit and have something up their sleeves lol!!
Jerell you said a mouth full and I couldn’t agree with you more on the fact that “men will only do what we allow them to”. It will be up to us as women to change or the men will continue to treat us this way but the jokes also on men, too, because a desperate woman doesn’t love herself, so believe me when I say that she couldn’t love you – even if she thinks she does.
I am watching women just settle for what is given to them and not getting what they deserve. It begins from a feeling inside that you are worthy and deserve more. A woman that is full of love from her spirit and from God…doesn’t seek desperate measures to attract a man. The problem is…how do we get self love to seep into the collective masses of women? That is the tricky part and honestly, all that I can do is be a role model and an example and teach my nieces that they have the POWER. I don’t mean power in a domineering kind of way because men are the LEADERS but as women we hold the power because it’s our desires that set things in motion.
Men can do they part, too, because they know it isn’t right to offer piss-poor efforts, giving half of themselves but wanting whole women. It just doesn’t make sense. I am hearing men say they don’t buy women drinks at the bar and bragging about it; only offering “home dates” where he is one step closer to his bed, you know…just in case; and basically doing everything on conditions and expecting something in return.
There are good men and good women who can come together and change the outlook for the younger generations.
Why are women acting so desperate?
Well for starters because they don’t have respect for themselves. They figure that they are not worthy of a good man so they are acting on desperate measures. What a lot of women/(men) don’t realize is that you attract what you put out into the universe. So if you are on a desperate mission then you are going to attract those who are not a good match for you. As women we have to realize that we are queens and that we should be treated and respected as such by these men, are kings.
By realizing who you are as a woman and how you present yourself tells a lot. Pretty much it boils down to how you would want your daughter to present herself. What sort of image would you want your daughter to see in you on how a woman should be? It’s all about setting standards for your self and sticking to them. If there are certain things you want tolerate then stick to it. Because just like Shelli and Jerell said “a man is going to do whatever you allow him to do”. (and that is so True!)lol
Being out here in Atlanta I noticed that a lot. When we do happen to go out, I see these women throwing themselves at these men in the club. It’s like come on where is the respect for your self at. You just met this dude and you kissing all on him in the club! Whoa big no no. And then you wonder why he just wants to chill at your house or his house with you. Because there is no room for a relationship he just wants to hit it! Lol.
But men also have to step up to, because it takes 2 to tango. Just because you have some women who are on a desperate mission doesn’t mean you have to act on it. Men need to come at women with the same respect that they have for their mothers. Which this could lead to a problem also, because some of these men treat women the way they do because for one they don’t have respect for there mothers. Or they grew up seeing their mother being disrespected by men all there lives, so they choose to do the same.
So will women stop acting so desperate, that would have to depend on that woman and those primary factors. (Upbringing, how would they want their daughters to be treated, respect for themselves, and morals). Will men go back to courting and treating women with the same admiration that they have for there mothers? Its depends on the man and those primary factors. (Upbringing, how would they want their daughters to be treated, media and tv influence, and morals)
This is just a portion of why these issues are occurring.
"Anyone who drinks this(physical) water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will NEVER be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life" John 4:13-14
This scripture was taken from the book of John in relation to the woman at the well..she had to go so far outside herself to "quench her thirst" only to go back to the bottom of the well to be thirsty again...catch my drift? The woman didnt have a husband, but had been married five times and the man she was with now didnt belong to her!
Thangs aint changed, just the years have.
When i seen this topic, this scripture came to mind because so many people are "in search of..." a feeling that will never be felt outside themselves, yet are too deparate, too childlike, too ignorant, to do the work within.
we all, at one point in our lives, have felt the void that comes from a specific mindset, past hurts and the conditions of our society, that translates into us doing what is popular. what is that? quick fixes. Im lonely NOW so lemme be a jump off(that term in itself is fast. it dont take long to jump off nothing). im hungry NOW so lemme get fast food. I want these shoes or this car NOW so lemme charge it so i can feel special...
Childlike, isnt it?
to bring it all full circle, no one or nothing externally will fulfill what YOU need to nurture internally. Relationship with God, your inner God body, is the only way to have a proper perspective on how YOU should be treated because you will know WHO you are.
Knowledge of self is the most powerful weapon and love for self shines so bright, that a brotha will know WAY before he approaches you that his intentions MUST be sincere.
It isnt popular to be "different", to dance to the beat of your own drum, to not conform. The most influential people of our times did what was necessary to instill change, not what was popular. Jesus the Christ, Martin luther King, Harriet Tubman, Nat Turner, Marcus Garvey, Malcolm X, and Rosa Parks knew that change was necessary for evolution, so they walked the unbeaten path for the greater good of all mankind.
What to do, women?
Walk in the unfamiliar. Let people see that what you are doing is what is going to bring change that will affect women of the world and in turn, all families! Yes, you might go without a date for a while, you might be the brunt of jokes because your "single" but outside yourself,you are allowing the broken and down trodden to see that if SHE can be alone until Mr.RIght comes and does her right, then I can too!
I will continue to be that woman who will not settle, while nurturing the woman in me. Trust, fly, I AM, and yes, strongly desire to be with My divine mate. but desparate, i'm not. What a slap in the face to women and men if i was anything less than divine!
Only royalty step up, please!!
No games,
No stunts,
No 2nd Place,
SahshaJay
Ashe to that, Sahsha.
If we have to carry the weight to uplift many...then so be it and so it is done.
Full of Love...
Full of Life...
Full of God...
I believe you can love someone if you dont love yourself, your heart loves. But that doesnt make it good for you, it doesn't make it healthy. To truly be loved and truly get what you want (man or woman), you do need to find yourself, know yourself and love yourself.
That being said, for some people it is harder than others to do that. Perhaps because all they see, all they know is what they can get from a man, whether its what they see on tv, what they see in their daily lives. But regardless of that, it does come from with in, the strength to know yourself enough to stand up for yourself. It is so ironic how so many "beautiful people" need to love themselves, find themselves; while there are some people who maybe aren't on the "beautiful list" are so full of live, of love for themselves.
I have been at the point where I've not set and kept to my boundaries and that lead to tru heartbreak. But I would never say I was desperate. I am forgiving, too forgiving, too caring, but I did learn the very hard way that you do have to set your boundaries and stick to them, b/c people, men and women, will go as far as the other person allows them.
In these acts by women, in settling for some guy who wont buy them a drink, wont take them out, just want to hit... I can see how it seems desperate but its a part of our society. Generations of young men and women who have a false sense of entitlement and who haven't had to grow up, who are in their late 20s still living at home. They dont want to put in their time, at work, in relationships, in life. They haven't had to. Society has let it become the norm, has let it become acceptable. And THAT to be is the saddest thing, actually the most irritating thing to me.
Thats not to say there aren't desperate women around who'll pick up a guy at a bar or go home with a guy they meet at a bar or a guy who'll pick up a chick at a bar and the relationship will be whatever. And that, is when people date someone else to make themselves look or feel beetter. THAT is desperate. That is sad and pathetic, but that is men AND women doing it. Because, as you've all said, if you dont love yourself, you cant truly, honestly love someone else in a way that isn't damaging to yourself or the other person.
They might seem like contradictions, but I do believe the ideas are different, even if just nuances.
I absolutely feel as though we as a culture need to get back to shivery (men and women). I think this problem works both ways. We are all products of the 80's, 90's and 00's hip-hop generation, and as a result we've seen a paradigm shift in the way men and woman relate to one another. I think that what hip-hop has done is brought the blatant truth forward in many ways, and it has also personified the truth too... as to how we view ourselves which is a direct reflection as to how we treat one another, both in general trust and intimate trust relationships. There is shady sh*t that goes on from both ends; and if we want respect from one another it starts from within respecting ourselves. It's hard to ask for sh*t that you're not will to give in every way...
Alright I'm late I know. I haven't left a comment on the last two blogs so I'm trying to make it up now:
I think in this day and age each case seems to be different. As a woman born & raised in a city where it seems that there are more desperate women coming here everyday sacrificing themselves for a little attention, a new purse, career advancement or what they think is love or like it can all be a bit confusing as to why they resort to such actions. A week ago I would have answered this blog politically correct as a spectator as if what happens here has no affect on me as a result of the southern traditions and values that I have been raised with, but given the recent situation I've experienced, I have to be real in answering this blog.
It's the influences of our culture, the videos, the lyrics, the values our generations have been raised with, the degredation of our society, lack of good role models, male father figures, males & females attempting to feel a voind in their lives, the lack of patience, faith, reciprosity, respect and all the other influences in between. Yes it's a cycle that most fail to take responsibility for but choose to continue. It's frustrating, sad, & seems endless. It has been recreated with each generation male and female in which women have always been a scapegoat for. Men can be just as desperate as the women, sometimes worse, it's just accepted by society just like high sexual activity. It is not frowned upon but yet seen somewhat as a right of passage or "just a phase," but nothing more. So this blog should be two fold.
I make it a point to verbalize what I will & won't put up with in a relationship, how I should be treated, & what I expect out of my partner with the occasional slip ups but a guy has to be willing to accept those terms & it seems at times (of course not speaking for all women) that sometimes women lose their will to stand by what they say & eventually give in (just as Jerrell has pointed out). I have seen countless friends have the grass is greener mentality of the less than respectable women get what seems to be a great guy, which with a closer look may not be the great relationship it appears to be. It's a constant battle to remain firm without being overbearing in getting one's point across.
I think in a place like Atlanta, some men see the classy women with higher standards, but may be intimidated or not ready for such a big commitment in what that kind of woman expects. I think there are tons of great men out there & what men and women fail to realize is that you can like a man or a woman but with out chemistry and attraction that relationship isn't going anywhere regardless of what image we have set in our minds. We run away with our expectations, get disappointed, and for some, resort to desperation. What women sometimes fail to realize is that if a guy will not respect our terms as a woman, he is not the guy we should invest our time with. Some men may have not had a great example of how a woman should be approached or treated, get besides themselves and instead of us calling them out on it or calling it to their attention, we brush it off. Bottomline... We all must take responsibility for our actions or else we can't point the finger at others not taking responsibility for their actions and correcting it.
So with that being said each relationship is a learning experience meant to make us wiser. We've all had our moments in times of weakness where our judgement may not have been 100% or had that one love you may have made exceptions for. We should all take note in moving forward not to make the same mistakes in order to correct the cycle & possible pitfalls. Thanks for allowing me to share my opinions guys. Til next time smooches!!!!
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