SELF PLEASURE

This week on 'Straight Talk with Ella Bleu,' we got down to the nitty-gritty on self pleasure.

Most people sneak up on self pleasure at an early age when they are discovering their bodies. Prior to that the body just appeared to be this intricate piece of art that we didn't understand; like we know a car needs gas but have no idea how to build an engine. So the question is: how did self pleasure become so taboo?

If you grew up in a religious home you know that lustful thoughts were shunned upon. Self pleasure was attached to feelings of guilt and remorse (it's amazing to me how religion has the ability to stifle your growth by instilling fear but I'm not going there today). So what we discovered is that the people who masturbate tend to know their bodies and enjoy sex more because they already know the way to their erogenous zones. If you get nothing more from this, please do not rely on your partner to teach you about your own body. I learned my body so know EVERYTHING. Even if I have a headache I can feel the knot in my neck or shoulders and kneed it out. Our bodies are always talking to us.

Your body is a sacred place where spirit resides. Imagine how great your sexual experience would be if you both knew your own bodies. Hopefully some of you can already giving a convincing amen to that! I'm not saying go home and ritualistically please yourself everyday but it should be a periodic exercise to explore the inner & outter workings of your body...a work of art.

To listen to a podcast of "The Masturbation, Fascination," go http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ellableu/2009/07/08/Straight-Talk-with-Ella-Bleu

SEX IS A SPIRITUAL EXCURSION

All of our true desires are spiritual and our bodies are just vehicles to accomplish them, therefore even sex is a spiritual excursion. Trust me, your spirit is not looking for sex but rather a connection so deep, so intense, that you and your mate can move a mountain when your energies collide.

Last night on our radio show, “Straight Talk with Ella Bleu,” our guest Erik Gordon said dating is all about SEX and that basically relationships begin and end with the mighty power of sex.

I think he’s partially right but sex for the sake of penetration is a means to cover-up some deep seeded issues. Sex becomes a distraction so you don’t have to deal with what you really want…which is ever lasting love. I think the problem is a lot of us don’t even feel true love exists and have just given up somewhere along the say. Men have it the worst because they are taught the abuse of sex is a macho birthright but our gift from God is LOVE – not sex. You’re spirit didn’t travel light years to be right here, right now just to bust a… well you know what I’m getting at.

Hey, have sex like jackrabbits all you want – I’m not judging but instead I’m saying be mindful of your distractions vs. your spiritual desires but keep in mind awareness means you have greater responsibility. I’ve been there, done that, I’m definitely not a saint but the key is being aware of where you’re at in your life and setting your sights on higher plateau’s for the future.

So tell me, what are your spiritual desires? AND if sex is a spiritual excursion...how are you going to get there?


Check out our show from last night. Here's the link for the podcast: http://tobtr.com/s/554652

THIRSTY WOMEN FINISH LAST

JAMES: went to door 44 a few weeks ago and it was hot and the women were hot looking but poor quality because I was hit up for rent money, brake pads, etc…
SHELLI: WTF, serious? that always happens to u
JAMES: I know..why do u think so
SHELLI: Do you put your financial biz out there?
JAMES: nah....just younger women I guess. They tend to have more issues.
SHELLI: The problem with women is they don't realize a man is supposed to take care of you for life...but you can scare him away if you don't play your position right early on
JAMES: Yep…I don’t mind spending but if u ask too soon it’s a big turnoff
*The above is an actual conversation (his real name has been protected)

First of all ladies let me say: A man doesn’t owe you anything. Period! Never go to a bar with an empty wallet; never ask a man you barely know for money. Men are innately equipped with the “take care of your woman” gene. Aside from getting his paper right, there is nothing a man wants more than to provide for his family. You can’t be that woman over night. Again let me restate the problem: WOMEN DON’T REALIZE IT’S A MAN’S JOB TO TAKE CARE OF US FOR LIFE.

The recommendation: Ladies, stop acting so damn THIRSTY! Fostering a lasting relationship with a man takes time and patience. Short term, yes you might get your rent paid or new break pads, but you won’t get the ring (or whatever your long term relationship goal is). Look for more than just a short term peak of your goodies.

I might get heat from this, but if you aren’t looking for a relationship you can have six men taking care of you at once but you still gotta play your cards right and asking for too much too soon ain’t how you get there.

The THIRSTY finish last.

MALE VS. FEMALE ROLES...THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS 50/50

Last weeks blog was about RULES but this week let’s explore ROLES (and I’m not talking about playing dress up & role playing but we must explore that in another blog haha).

I’m a career woman so I know the roles in my relationship have to be modified, but not so much that I strip him of his manhood or me of my femininity. Ladies, let a man be a man and part of that is being a hunter/gatherer so he can care for his family. Modify your roles so the feminine and masculine traits are not stripped.

When I was a little girl I was determined not to accept my womanly role in life. I would watch my mother do all the cooking and cleaning and I vowed that when I got married, all that stuff would be 50/50…THEN I GREW UP…THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS 50/50.

Now I know, generally speaking, the house is my responsibility and everything that comes with it…cooking, cleaning, laundry, Etc. Do I expect my future husband to help out in those areas…yes, but I think once we accept our roles, then duties of the house and family will run smoothly.

My sister went to pre-marital counseling and the pastor had them list each thing they would be individually responsible for. Of course that list will change for each couple but you have to recognize the things you’re good at handling, while also recognizing your innate capabilities. And for God’s sake, please don’t assume that your mate just automatically knows the role distinctions. You must communicate your strengths and weaknesses so the roles can be executed effectively.

Ladies, don’t fight your roles. It’s okay to take care of home but fella’s it’s just as cool to help out so you don’t take all her hard work for granted.

BURN YOUR RELATIONSHIP RULES BOOKS!!!!

I'm a rule breaker by nature because there is always a more creative way to obtain success. The rule book for your lie can not be written until you're dead and gone! Therefore, the rules will NEVER apply to you.

Everyone is reading Steve Harvey's book, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man," and that's cool if you look at it for entertainment purposes only. Don't base your dating life around the rules because rules are meant to be broken. You set yourself up for disappointment if you follow the rules to a tee. What are you going to do when you find out that man/woman is the exception? They'll probably be long gone by then.

Harvey also suggests waiting 90 days before you have sex with a man. I know people who are married and they had sex on the first night! The rules leave little room for extraordinary and let's face it, we're all looking for extraordinary experiences. The rules are mundane, predictable and most of all, they are not certain.

I know women who read every relationship rules book they can get their hands on and they are still single, still searching. Ladies, BURN THOSE DAMN RULES BOOKS AND FOLLOW THE RULES & PASSIONS OF YOUR HEART. You will broaden your experiences and expand the potentials for true happiness.

By all means, use common sense but also let your instincts be your guiding force.

YOU ARE WHO YOU ATTRACT

A friend of mine had this status on Facebook recently: “I find myself attracted to the same type of women.” My response to him was…"because you are the same man."

A good test to see yourself for who you REALLY are is just look at the people you date. The people we attract are a direct reflection of who we are – the good, the bad & the ugly. Most of us are stubborn and blind to our own fallacies and the only way to acknowledge them is to see them in someone else.
I dated a man who was so nonchalant about EVERYTHING – and that was me; he was my reflection because that’s the way I’ve always treated men (and I think that’s why men liked me because I was a challenge but that’s another blog for another day). He was in my life to show me that my nonchalant attitude implies that I didn’t care – and I really didn’t, but how could I want a man to care if I never cared? I vowed never to treat men that way again – and I haven’t…and in return I got a man who is attentive and far from nonchalant.

The subtle, positive changes we make within ourselves allow us to meet people with the same qualities. It’s all about growth. Are you ready to grow? Then you will recognize your-self in others. That’s the best way to denounce attributes that no longer suit you. It also allows you to give thanks for the positive characteristics you see in your loved ones. I look at my friends in my circle and I thank God for surrounding me with Good people. I’m like, “Hey, that’s me – all of you are me!” So thank you God for showing my growth as a woman and a spiritual being by sending good people to share this journey with.

If you find yourself attracted to the same type of man or woman, first discover what it is they all have in common; then analyze whether those traits are still suitable for where you’re at in your life; then see how those traits are directly connected to you. When you see THEM in YOU, you can praise them for being a life lesson. From there, you either embrace them or release them.

SEXY PET NAMES

I was sitting here thinking, "What are the sexiest pet names?" My first boyfriend called me "Pookie," and I thought that was the cutest thing since sliced bread, but I was fourteen so everything was cute. I think we can all agree that Pookie is not sexy but the person saying it, made it adorable. Isn't the importance of terms of endearments that they are delivered by your beloved mate?

One thing I hate: for a guy I just met to call me sweetie! My first thought is that he says that to every woman he meets. "SAY MY NAME, SAY MY NAME." That's the sexiest thing for a man I just met to do; subtly acknowledge at the end of the conversation that he remembered my name. Let's have a good argument first. Then you can pull out those terms of endearments like get out of jail free cards.

Okay so my favorite and sexiest pet name is simply...BABE. It's still reserved for that special someone, you can say it in public (unlike the stares you would get from saying something like Pookie), and babe is like the name you call your TEAMMATE. Don't slip up and call the side guy or chick, babe, because I guarantee they will look WAY too deep into it.

So I'm looking for the crowd favorites. What are the sexiest pet names? And what makes them sexy to you?

COMMITMENT GUIDELINES

GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND COMMITMENT GUIDELINES:
-Focus on growing your FRIENDSHIP

-Agree to an EXCLUSIVE relationship
-Titles (boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, etc) are OPTIONAL, based on the couple
-Commit to the person for who they are right now, and not who you think they can POTENTIALLY be
-Set BOUNDARIES that both partners agree on
-BE REAL – so your friendship can reflect that. Be you from the jump!
-LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH – so if it’s too much work, you have the option to walk away

HUSBAND/WIFE COMMITMENT GUIDELINES:
-Marry your BEST FRIEND

-A formal commitment to an EXCLUSIVE relationship
-Titles ARE NOT OPTIONAL
-Eliminated the POTENTIALS and determined this person (good and bad) is who I want, raw and uncensored
-Set BOUNDARIES that both partners agree on (could be same from before marriage)
-Continue to BE REAL so your marriage will be based in truth
-LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH – it takes hard work but don’t make quitting an option

TAKE OFF YOUR COOL

Baby, take off your cool
I wanna see you, I wanna see you
Baby, don't be so cool
I wanna see you, I wanna see you
Baby, take off your cool
I want to get to know you
Take off your cool



“Take off your cool” is a short song but it’s one of my favorites on the Love Below album. The message is short and precise: just be yourself.

Take off the uncertainty of your perfection…take off the fear of rejection…take off that fake smile if what he/she said really wasn’t that funny…take off the expectations to be more or less then who you are…We tend to fear how people will judge or view us but they are going to have an opinion regardless so you may as well be observed in your authenticity. Lauryn Hill summed up my sentiments on interlude # 5 (part 2) of her MTV Unplugged album:

“…It's like, we date people, like let's say, you know, we're interested in somebody and we put on the perfume and dress up and then we do things that we will never ever ever do again! You understand what I'm sayin?...And that's why so many marriages end up in divorce. It's because people wake up next to a stranger. They say, Who the hell are you? What are you doing in this bed?...And I'm sayin let's give them reality from the door because you're going to attract love, and the one that really loves you. And then you don't have to pretend and falsify, and you know, keep that posture..."

(sound bite on the video starts at 3:18)
I wrote this poem today. It’s short but sums up how I feel about being so cool your feelings just FLOW so LIFE, LOVE AND GOD move easily through every moment:

My cool is off and on the floor.
Don’t pick it up I want it to stay there
so you can see me bare.
See through me, past the cool on the floor,
to the fiery pulse that floods the blood.
That cool...it’s not me and it kept me from you.
Can you see me now?
No matter the miles, you should be able to see me now
My cool is off and on the floor.
It melted as I walked through Love’s door
and surrendered to what God has in store

-Shelli Tinae Price

DIAMONDS ARE A GIRLS BESTFRIEND....RIGHT?

A few years ago the movie Blood Diamonds opened my eyes to what are more commonly known as conflict diamonds because they are mined in mainly West African countries in very subpar conditions and controlled by militants to fund their war efforts. They typically enslave the local people in the area, including, women and children, and force them to mine diamonds that are then sold to various countries including London and the United States. Our African brothers and sisters are being killed for “precious” diamonds, you know, that bling-bling which has become a staple symbol of love and wealth. Kind of ironic how Africans are being killed which is a HATEful crime – just so we can offer diamonds to those we LOVE.

Now, they say there are places like Botswana where they actually hire miners and the diamonds are not conflict originated.

So my question to you is: Are diamonds the only stone that is a symbol of love?

Single Ladies
Real talk!!!!! Would you be heart broken if your fiancé didn’t buy you a diamond?
Is there another stone you find just as or even more beautiful?

Single Guys
Are diamonds the only ring to show a woman you love her?
Do you feel you must buy your fiancé a diamond? If so will you look in buying conflict-free diamonds or will you look into purchasing an alternative stone?

Married Women
How would you feel if the ring you wear every day was possibly a conflict diamond? Would you have been upset if your husband didn’t buy a diamond?

Married Men
Is it important to you that your wife wears a diamond? If you could do it over, would you buy a different stone for her?

DO YOU TRUST EASILY?

It's been said you should believe none of what you hear and half of what you see.

How do you deal with trust? Do you instantly rely on your intuition or do you believe it takes time and everyone should have a chance to prove themselves to be trust worthy?